ashtongreen00

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Did you hear about the baguette at the zoo? It was bread in captivity.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
Bad puns are how eye roll.
What do you call a can opener that's broken? A Can't opener.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out, had drinks and he's a web designer.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

Italian Cars (Mainly Ferrari), Minecraft

-I am not a smart aleck... I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obious, and I speak fluent sarcasm
-When someone says: "Expect the unexpected", slap them in the face and say: "You didn't expect that, did you?"
-My friend said that onions are the only food that make you cry. I told him I didn't agree, and proceeded to throw a coconut at his face