This Story is on the love of comedy
On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."
Server
P
Polo
): "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"
Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Polo: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
Polo: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager
Saiko): "No. A what?"
Polo: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Saiko: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Polo: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
Polo: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Polo: "Yeah."
Me: "So, why won't you take it?"
Polo: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."
Saiko: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Polo: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
Saiko: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here.
"Polo: "What should I do?"
Saiko: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
Polo: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."
Saiko: "Just tell him."
Polo: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."
Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."
Saiko: "We don't take those, either."
Me: "Why not?"
Saiko: "I think you know why."
Me: "No really... tell me why."
Saiko: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Saiko: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "What on earth for?"
Saiko: "Please, sir."
Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
Saiko: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Saiko: "Fine -- have it your way then."
Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.
Guard
Light Souls
): "Yeah, Saiko, what's up?"
Saiko (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."
light souls: "No kidding! What?"
Saiko: "Get this... a two dollar bill."
light souls(incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"
Saiko: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
light souls: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"
Saiko: "No, the two dollar bill is."
light souls: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"
Saiko: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
light souls: "Yeah."
Security Guard walks over to me and...
light souls: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
Me: "Uh, no."
light souls: "Lemme see 'em."
Me: "Why?"
light souls: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say, "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
Saiko: "It's fake."
light souls: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Saiko: "But it's a two dollar bill."
light souls: "Yeah... ?"
Saiko: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.
So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.
This all made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too!
Frogger
Light Souls
Saiko
P
Polo
