What meat do yo think is in Heavies "Sandvich"? Why?

What is the meat on Heavies "Sandvich"?

  • Ham

    Votes: 31 40.3%
  • Bologna/Baloney [Whatever, you understand]

    Votes: 17 22.1%
  • Turkey

    Votes: 2 2.6%
  • Salami

    Votes: 1 1.3%
  • Roast Beef

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Um... pie?

    Votes: 2 2.6%
  • Um... cake? [haha just kidding, its a lie]

    Votes: 5 6.5%
  • Something yet to be discovered o_0

    Votes: 5 6.5%
  • Pure Ground 100% Enemy Heavies

    Votes: 13 16.9%
  • Dirt

    Votes: 1 1.3%

  • Total voters


Website Zealot
I think there is a slice of brain-cake in there. They take the brains of every heavy in the universe, grind them up, and bake them into a cake.
Obviously, there isn't much to work with, which is why they have such thin slices and have to add on bread and other toppings!


Website Zealot
Well, the heavy says both:
Don't run! It's just ham!
Baloney! Perfect fuel for killing tiny cowards!
Gentlemen, I present to you my hypothesis:

The sandvich is made from soylent green spies.

My reasoning:

No other type of meat could shape-shift from ham to baloney.


We can all run around screaming at heavies that sandvich is made from spies! Spies!

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Website Zealot
I don't know what's wrong with all you guys' sandwiches, my Heavy's is a Grilled Cheese, which sounds much better than all your cold, damp sandwiches. The Albino Vegetarian strikes again!


I need to go outside
My assumption is that it's tofu. I don't know, but it seems fairly likely to me that the heavy is a vegan. the line "Don't run, it's just ham" is really a cover to make him sound more manly to his enemies; in actual fact, the heavy runs a wildlife shelter, and is responsible for a particularly infamous line of PETA rallies where he punched people who tested various products on animals. Truly, even the thought of eating ham unnerves him to the core, and I predict that when he comes out of the vegan closet, he'll suffer mini-crits every time he says that line.

/true story.


Famous Poster
I wanted to say ham and bologna, but several people beat me to that joke. I'll go the logical route instead: If you look at that outline of the slice of meat, there's a hole in it. Slices of ham can have this hole because that's where the bone is when the ham is still whole (as in not cut up). So, I posit that it is ham, as the heavy states in one of his comments. Maybe bologna is just Russian for "ham."