Team Fortress 2: The Best Dialogue In The Game


I made one post
Greetings and salutations to everyone who discovers this post, my name is Dylorion.

It is beyond a reasonable doubt that the mercenaries of both Builders League United and Reliable Excavation Demolition (being the bloodthirsty, sporadic, eccentric, and surprisingly winsome yet hysterical lunatics that they are) have enormous tendencies to verbally spout a profusion of interesting quotes or remarks. What else is to be expected of such personality-rich characters with those aforementioned traits?

Throughout every single Team Fortress 2 player's time enveloping themselves in the game for hours and years on end (like how I have been doing since the 28th of November in the year 2015), it is to be expected that they accumulate individual biases towards not only classes and their respective playstyles, maps, and gamemodes, but also the expansive dialogue ranges exclusive to the nine hired guns we have all grown to love since 2007.

In this presentation, I would like to ask you all one question:

What is / are your favorite line(s) of dialogue from each of the nine classes in Team Fortress 2?

I will provide mine below to initiate the discussion.

( NOTICE: The following lines of dialogue are not listed in a manner that indicates any discernible ranking of them; they are not in particular order. )

Yeah, I dare ya, rage quit. C'mon, make us both happy.

Come on, Bat. Let's go introduce you to some skulls.

Here's a schematic for ya: my ass!

If you order now, I'll throw in a second beatin', absolutely free.



If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!

Never bring a bat to a battlefield, war is not a game.

You cannot burn me! I'm already ablaze with passion, for war!

Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!

Your country did not prepare you for the level of violence you will meet on my battlefield!




If you were hunting trouble, lad, you found it!

Thus begins my thousand year reign of blood!

Not one of ya's going to survive this!

Oh, they're goin' ta have to glue you back together...IN HELL!

Thankfully I already don't remember this.


I am most dangerous man, in history of WORLD!

Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta ya-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta do-de-da-va-da-da-dada! Kaboom-Kaboom!

I am Heavy Weapons Guy, and this is my new weapon!

You are not so good as you think!

I AM bulletproof!


This button here, builds Teleporters. This button, builds Dispensers. And this little button makes them enemy sum-bitches wish they'd never been born!

You're all about to have a real bad day!

You must be a doctor, because you just saw the extent of my patience!

I told ya don't touch that darn thing.

Let's do this Texas style!


Hello, Fräuleins!

Come over here. I promise I vill heal you!

I feel like a million Deutschmarks!

Ze healing leaves little time for ze hurting.



I love this job. Sunshine's free, bullets are cheap, and everybody's got a head.

Quit blubberin' and take yer medicine like a man!

I'm gonna blow the inside of ya head all over four counties!

Wave goodbye ta yer head, wanker!

I'm a dinkum Aussie, not some bloody cartoon!


My knife is sharp, my watch is wound, my ski mask is freshly-laundered: time to win.

You suck!

They should call you whiners 'Dr. NOOOOOO!'

May I borrow your earpiece? (mimicking Scout) 'This is Scout! Rainbows make me cry! Over!'

What the hell is that?!

This shall be the conclusion of my presentation.

Overall, my favorite voice lines are spoken by Soldier. Such patriotic fervor.

I encourage, yet do not demand, reasonable cooperation from all who view this presentation to share your own favorite lines of dialogue from each of the classes. There is no harm in amicable conversation over our personal opinions, especially concerning trivial matters such as these.

On second thought, trivial matters are often the ones that spark the most outrage… We shall see.


I personally love it when Spy goes "Mon DIEU!" when doused in piss, sniper's muttered occasional statements of "This is gonna be a real piece of piss, you bloody fruit shop owners." like what does that mean and why are they fruit shop owners.
Sniper: "You'll be needing another use for that neck."
"I'm running out of places to put holes in ya"
"You gotta forehead on ya like a coffee table."
"That'll slow you down, you twitchy hooligan."
"Gotcha you spastic little gremlin" 😂
"You are a creepy, mute little bugger, aren't ya?"
"Ace reflexes, you bomb-chuckin waste of good Scotch."
"You're making this so easy, I'm actually getting worse!"
"Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died, and I lived happily ever after. The end."
"Hate to break it to ya, but your own team paid me to do that." (To medic)
"Ahh, that's apples mate."
"Pull up your socks and stick to the cart!"
"I've got hand-load precision rounds effective to a thousand yards. Let's get this done!"
"I love this job. Sunshine's free, bullets are cheap, and everybody's got a head."
"Never complain, never explain, aim for the brain."
"Sniper's not hard, mate. You just need a good eye, a steady hand, and perfect bloody aim."

also I love it when engie goes "How'd that plan work out for ya, dummy?"


I made one post
I don't know if lines from SFM works count, but I think the "Does it say you want the bucket?" Is my favourite. I like using it to completely invalidate any opinion about TF2 being serious.
As long as a line is spoken in either the game or in any of the official videos, it counts.


I don't know if lines from SFM works count, but I think the "Does it say you want the bucket?" Is my favourite. I like using it to completely invalidate any opinion about TF2 being serious.
Dude that one is so funny. Took me a sec to remember what you were talking about but now I'm laughing because I love that SFM