How to plagiarize with your eyes closed [Working Title]- Public Screenplay [WIP], input appreciated!
This is a film I've been wanting to do for awhile, and thanks to a group of my friends, I might be able to work on it.. Heres the basic information.
The Synopsis: A year or two ago, I wrote a short story [Usually my stories are usually pointless and stupid comedies, this is no exception] about 'the idiot' who decides to make money by plagiarizing popular works of fiction [getting the idea after attempting to plagiarize himself] and as you can expect, he gets into trouble with the writers he steals from, most importantly, a bizarre and totally insane writer who goes by the pen-name 'Teh Randomness' and sends his unnecessarily violent lawyers after The Idiot, the Lawyers resolve that the best way to remind The idiot of the court date is to force the legal documents into his brain, but this instead gives the idiot enough intelligence to also be his own lawyer. After failing to win in court, the lawyers come back and staple a document to his eyes, blinding him, but the idiot persists by plagiarizing book tapes. A group of all the authors he stole from gather together and send him to the middle of nowhere in a cage [after removing the brains he had actually managed to use], and after finding a way of escaping his cage, he walks to the edge of the planet and finds a brain beached on the shore, and uses it to further his career, but the brain thinks independently and tries to escape, by traveling back in time, but after fully analyzing the impossibilities of going back in time, they both get sucked into a universe of migraine inducing logic.
The Project: The original story took place in Montana, but because I live in Utah [which is NOTHING like Montana] I've had to completely remove all the mockery of Montana and centralize the location, and much of the satire has been changed to mock Utah accordingly. Due to the fact that this is not a 'high budget' film or anything, some of the more bizarre happenings in the story [Such as the truth about Walt Disney's death and the Nazi moose organization] had to be omitted as well. I've also changed the third person narrative to be a documentary style narrative. Even though there will be traditional scenes, most scenes involving the idiot will be told by a narrator [Theres also a curse on the narrators, we've already killed off at least 5 of them.] We don't have a shack anywhere near us that we could use for filming, so I'm just going to use the basement bedroom as the 'shack interior' and I'm sure we can find a way to convince people it's inside some crappy shack. The 'middle of nowhere' sequence will be filmed out in the desert, I've picked out a ghost town that would fit perfectly. The edge of the earth will be filmed at the great salt lake. I've already picked out most of the cast, the only appearance I will make though is the brain towards the end.
The Screenplay: The screenplay is far from finished, I plan to start filming in October, and if time permits, finish by December or early January. Me and my friend, Lukas [who is also cast in the lead] are writing the screenplay. He is without internet, so I'm crunching to put in material, but we're still tossing around ideas. I will post what we have of the screenplay thusfar, and I would LOVE for anyone to give me any ideas or thoughts for dialogue, scenes, as well as opinions on what we already have. Most of it has been typed up by me, though parts starting with (( were written by Lukas, and there are a few unmarked places, but you can tell because he is not as good with grammar/spelling.
The Idiotman: How to plagiarize with your eyes closed
Based upon the short story by Kadath Bird
Screenplay By
Lukas Reed
&
Kadath Bird
(( = Additions by Lukas
SCENE 1: INSIDE THE SHACK
Camera watches from above as the idiotman types madly on a keyboard
Narrator: Ah yes, the idiot, the fool, the ignoramus, or in modern times, known as 'The Dumbass'. There is no finer example of an idiot than this man sitting here. For protection purposes, his name will be withheld.
Camera pans downwards towards the idiotman and shows what he has written on screen, which reads: "Here I am, world! Writing my best selling novel! Hmm... what should it be about? I know. And there he was, the idiot, sitting at the computer, writing the novel that would get him out of this shack." Upon reading this closely, the idiotman bashes the keyboard and screams.
Narrator: When in doubt of it's own creation, the idiot will act wildly without thinking. Such reactions have even ended lives, the common angry idiot, or more commonly known as 'The Bastard' is prone to give out severe thrashings when provoked. This particular example provided one hell of a thrashing to the local minister, however, all attempts to film such thrashings often ended up in the camera being thrashed as well. ((So we are unable to show footage....... oh shut up these cameras cost too much!))
The camera starts to dim, but the idiotman begins thrashing again, and turns towards the camera
Idiotman: Wait! Don't go! I'll get an idea!
Camera Dims
Idiotman: No seriously! I'll get an idea!
The idiotman screams and you hear punches and another man in horrible agony
SCENE 2: THE SURROUNDINGS OF THE MODERN IDIOT
Narrator 2: We apologize for the previous scene, our cameraman was severly thrashed, unfortunately, his cameras cap had been on when said thrashing was applied.
Camera opens up again, to view the area outside the shack.
Narrator 2: What you are seeing now is the area which the idiot lives in. This place is a drearey, barely inhabitable place known as 'Utah'. Utah is mostly a waste land. You may spot a family of tuble weeds here and there, maybe even a tumbling biker (currently endangerd). It is not know why Utah was created, some ideas such as fritolay needing a place to experiment with their secret chip scented deoderent. But failed, (but created what was created is now known as anthrax). Or maybe god wanted a place to shoot shit? Like ....... *looks up in tought* (beat) *begins to nod* like elvis elvis? Utah does not sustain much Human life, most Humans living in this area are a mutant species known as 'Latter Day Saints'.
Camera focuses on local church.
Narrator 2: Latter day saints, or mormons, believe that their lifestyle and nature is a religion, and one day acquired tax exempt status, though no one truly takes them seriously. There are currently 4 class of mormons. There is the typical every day mormon, who spends his or her day having children and drinking anything that doesn't have caffeine. Then there are the missionaries, who wear specially made helmets so they can breathe in the hostile Oxygen atmosphere. The 3rd type of mormon, the most dispicable kind, lives inside 'compounds' and they have many, many wives. One such mormon, was recently added to the FBI's most wanted, however, once he left the Utahn atmosphere, he quickly died. Then there is one last kind of mormon, the Butterflies. All butterflies that enter Utah are quickly mutated into missionaries. They attack violently, dropping books of mormon into the chimneys of the bad little people who don't go to church on sunday. However, these books explode upon touch, and the police are baffled as to why so many people are dying. ((But, there is hope; commiting any "immoral" action on your own property (such as saying the "S" - starbucks word) will drive any mormons at least 10 feet away. ))
*A butterfly, carrying the book of mormon, flies by humming, and it turns to see the cameraman, then flies over screaming, dropping the book which quickly explodes and the camera and cameraman is knocked over, dead.*
SCENE 3: THE IDIOT GETS AN IDEA
Narrator 3: Sorry bout that... Hopefully I'll live long, or the company that sent me will have to go to 'Generic Documentary Narrators 'R' Us' with their overpriced narrating slaves. Now that you know some of the idiots natural environment and habits, we shall now return to our little friend, and see how his little story is going.
The camera shows the idiot, scratching his chin in thought. He then grins joyously, raising up a finger.
Idiotman: That's it! I'll STEAL my ideas!
Narrator 3: Whoah there! That's Illegal! You better be careful. ((Look what happend to Garry Newman! Wait........ BASTARD!))
The idiotmans face loses all hapiness and he begins shaking a fist
Idiotman: You're lucky I ran out of energy thrashing that other narrator ((and I'm out of snickers)) or I would thrash you with a noodle, a ((GODDAMN BAKED)) noodle!!!!
The camera jerks violently away from the idiotman as the narrator screams
Narrator 3: OH ((GOD)) NO!! ANYTHING BUT A BAKED NOODLES << (is this the way you wanted it to be?)! THOSE THINGS HURT LIKE HELL!
The narrator runs out of the room and slams the door, he then slowly creaks the door open and whispers
Narrator 3: *Whispering* Is it safe to go back in?
The doorway is only a quarter open, and then the idiotman peers slowly at the cameraman, who screams
Narrator 3: *screaming* Thank god I have my trusty cyanid capsule!!
The camera is dropped and you see a hand grab a pill and move it upwards, the idiotman then picks up the camera, and focuses it on the dead narrator.
Idiotman: Uh oh, looks like he overdosed on Tylonol PM. I wonder when he'll wake up.
A thought bubble extends from the idiotmans head, which shows the idiotman old and with a beard.
Old Idiotman: Looks like that was some strong Tylonol PM. (( I should make him pay rent. *then a thought bubble pops up))
((Older Idiotman: Yippykaiyay! I'm rich!))
SCENE 3 PART B: Narrator HQ
The camera shows a man who starts stomping on the ground, yelling
Man: Dammit! That's the 3rd narrator today! We gotta equip the next one with 'Narrator B Safe brand ointment!'
Text comes on the screen that reads: Never Narrate without Narrator B' Safe! followed by a commercial jingle and a voice giving some statement about Narrator B Safe. ((Now even those mutant ak weilding cheetas wont hurt your narrirator *in fast voice* side effects include: Head aches, diahriahh, vomiting, stigmata, scervy, hubba hubba zoot zoot, additction to aircraft fuel, the ability to see people's death, phisical attraction to exploding cretures, coma, death, reincarnation, car wreack leading to death again, zombifacation, gun wound to the head, and serious rectile disorder.))
SCENE 4 PART A
The idiot stands there, holding a stack of papers close to his chest, with a terrifying half grin, half overbite.
The visible top piece of paper reads 'A guide to being teh randomest, by Teh Idiotness' in large bold print.
Narrator 4: Well, it looks like the idiot has done it! He has plagiarized his first piece of work!
SCENE 4 PART B
*The camera shows a dark room lit only by a small beer light. A man sits in a chair staring at the neon light, petting a dead fly with a swatter.*
Man in chair: Look what you did to poor Mr. McAnnoyingWings. This is an absolutely unforgivable disaster that would make even Dick Cheney flagulate himself! Just what would your mother think about this unidentified
*The camera focuses on the sign, and then back to the man in the chair*
Man in chair: Anheisers bush?! ANHEISERS BUSH!? Why the hell would you talk about your mothers bush? Oh, you mean BUSCH.. Sorry. Thought you went a little incesti-loopy there for a second.
*A telephone rings in the background.*
Man in chair: Oops! It sounds like the Orphan Police found my number again! Servius! Grab the phone
*A slumped over man lurches over towards the phone and picks it up*
Servius: Grand central station! No, our toilets don't want lawsuits. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT YOUR MOLD STAINS ON SOMEONE ELSES SEAT! I WILL NOT HAVE MOLDY URINAL CAKES IN MY CEREAL BOX! Oh... wait, you aren't the orphan police, are you?
*Servius brings the phone over to the man in the chair*
Man in chair: What? What? He did what? To my what? Well I can't just stand here and let that man mess with my works! Unless they are my water works.. they need cleaning, but that's not important. Servius, get my lawyers!!
SCENE 4 PART C
(( A random scene by me, feel free to mod it to your needs and such))
* A person is walking with a book in his hands*
*stops*
Tod: Ahh, what a nice day, the birds are singing, the cats are meowing, the homeless are plotting, the satilites are sending pro communist messages!
(beat)
Tod: Death to the capatilists! Gahh!
*Runs to tree and kicks it angrly*
Tod: Where's you corparations now?!
*acorns are dropped at him*
Tod: ow you bastards!!!!
*Turns away and continues to walk on the sidewalk*
Tod: lalalala la llla lala
lawyer 1: Are you Tod Wiggadigger?
Tod: why yes, who are you?
Lawyer 2: we are here to confenscate your pants
Tod: These?
lawyer: yes, they are your only one
Tod: what happend to the others?
Lawyer 1: they were given to
*camera zooms into his face*
Lawyer 1: the dancing owls
*collapses on to his knees and throws his arms up*
Tod: NOOOOOO! DAMN YOU AIR DAMN YOU!
*Lawyer 2 wispers in to his ear*
Tod: Oh I mean: Damn you Owls damn you!
This is a film I've been wanting to do for awhile, and thanks to a group of my friends, I might be able to work on it.. Heres the basic information.
The Synopsis: A year or two ago, I wrote a short story [Usually my stories are usually pointless and stupid comedies, this is no exception] about 'the idiot' who decides to make money by plagiarizing popular works of fiction [getting the idea after attempting to plagiarize himself] and as you can expect, he gets into trouble with the writers he steals from, most importantly, a bizarre and totally insane writer who goes by the pen-name 'Teh Randomness' and sends his unnecessarily violent lawyers after The Idiot, the Lawyers resolve that the best way to remind The idiot of the court date is to force the legal documents into his brain, but this instead gives the idiot enough intelligence to also be his own lawyer. After failing to win in court, the lawyers come back and staple a document to his eyes, blinding him, but the idiot persists by plagiarizing book tapes. A group of all the authors he stole from gather together and send him to the middle of nowhere in a cage [after removing the brains he had actually managed to use], and after finding a way of escaping his cage, he walks to the edge of the planet and finds a brain beached on the shore, and uses it to further his career, but the brain thinks independently and tries to escape, by traveling back in time, but after fully analyzing the impossibilities of going back in time, they both get sucked into a universe of migraine inducing logic.
The Project: The original story took place in Montana, but because I live in Utah [which is NOTHING like Montana] I've had to completely remove all the mockery of Montana and centralize the location, and much of the satire has been changed to mock Utah accordingly. Due to the fact that this is not a 'high budget' film or anything, some of the more bizarre happenings in the story [Such as the truth about Walt Disney's death and the Nazi moose organization] had to be omitted as well. I've also changed the third person narrative to be a documentary style narrative. Even though there will be traditional scenes, most scenes involving the idiot will be told by a narrator [Theres also a curse on the narrators, we've already killed off at least 5 of them.] We don't have a shack anywhere near us that we could use for filming, so I'm just going to use the basement bedroom as the 'shack interior' and I'm sure we can find a way to convince people it's inside some crappy shack. The 'middle of nowhere' sequence will be filmed out in the desert, I've picked out a ghost town that would fit perfectly. The edge of the earth will be filmed at the great salt lake. I've already picked out most of the cast, the only appearance I will make though is the brain towards the end.
The Screenplay: The screenplay is far from finished, I plan to start filming in October, and if time permits, finish by December or early January. Me and my friend, Lukas [who is also cast in the lead] are writing the screenplay. He is without internet, so I'm crunching to put in material, but we're still tossing around ideas. I will post what we have of the screenplay thusfar, and I would LOVE for anyone to give me any ideas or thoughts for dialogue, scenes, as well as opinions on what we already have. Most of it has been typed up by me, though parts starting with (( were written by Lukas, and there are a few unmarked places, but you can tell because he is not as good with grammar/spelling.
The Idiotman: How to plagiarize with your eyes closed
Based upon the short story by Kadath Bird
Screenplay By
Lukas Reed
&
Kadath Bird
(( = Additions by Lukas
SCENE 1: INSIDE THE SHACK
Camera watches from above as the idiotman types madly on a keyboard
Narrator: Ah yes, the idiot, the fool, the ignoramus, or in modern times, known as 'The Dumbass'. There is no finer example of an idiot than this man sitting here. For protection purposes, his name will be withheld.
Camera pans downwards towards the idiotman and shows what he has written on screen, which reads: "Here I am, world! Writing my best selling novel! Hmm... what should it be about? I know. And there he was, the idiot, sitting at the computer, writing the novel that would get him out of this shack." Upon reading this closely, the idiotman bashes the keyboard and screams.
Narrator: When in doubt of it's own creation, the idiot will act wildly without thinking. Such reactions have even ended lives, the common angry idiot, or more commonly known as 'The Bastard' is prone to give out severe thrashings when provoked. This particular example provided one hell of a thrashing to the local minister, however, all attempts to film such thrashings often ended up in the camera being thrashed as well. ((So we are unable to show footage....... oh shut up these cameras cost too much!))
The camera starts to dim, but the idiotman begins thrashing again, and turns towards the camera
Idiotman: Wait! Don't go! I'll get an idea!
Camera Dims
Idiotman: No seriously! I'll get an idea!
The idiotman screams and you hear punches and another man in horrible agony
SCENE 2: THE SURROUNDINGS OF THE MODERN IDIOT
Narrator 2: We apologize for the previous scene, our cameraman was severly thrashed, unfortunately, his cameras cap had been on when said thrashing was applied.
Camera opens up again, to view the area outside the shack.
Narrator 2: What you are seeing now is the area which the idiot lives in. This place is a drearey, barely inhabitable place known as 'Utah'. Utah is mostly a waste land. You may spot a family of tuble weeds here and there, maybe even a tumbling biker (currently endangerd). It is not know why Utah was created, some ideas such as fritolay needing a place to experiment with their secret chip scented deoderent. But failed, (but created what was created is now known as anthrax). Or maybe god wanted a place to shoot shit? Like ....... *looks up in tought* (beat) *begins to nod* like elvis elvis? Utah does not sustain much Human life, most Humans living in this area are a mutant species known as 'Latter Day Saints'.
Camera focuses on local church.
Narrator 2: Latter day saints, or mormons, believe that their lifestyle and nature is a religion, and one day acquired tax exempt status, though no one truly takes them seriously. There are currently 4 class of mormons. There is the typical every day mormon, who spends his or her day having children and drinking anything that doesn't have caffeine. Then there are the missionaries, who wear specially made helmets so they can breathe in the hostile Oxygen atmosphere. The 3rd type of mormon, the most dispicable kind, lives inside 'compounds' and they have many, many wives. One such mormon, was recently added to the FBI's most wanted, however, once he left the Utahn atmosphere, he quickly died. Then there is one last kind of mormon, the Butterflies. All butterflies that enter Utah are quickly mutated into missionaries. They attack violently, dropping books of mormon into the chimneys of the bad little people who don't go to church on sunday. However, these books explode upon touch, and the police are baffled as to why so many people are dying. ((But, there is hope; commiting any "immoral" action on your own property (such as saying the "S" - starbucks word) will drive any mormons at least 10 feet away. ))
*A butterfly, carrying the book of mormon, flies by humming, and it turns to see the cameraman, then flies over screaming, dropping the book which quickly explodes and the camera and cameraman is knocked over, dead.*
SCENE 3: THE IDIOT GETS AN IDEA
Narrator 3: Sorry bout that... Hopefully I'll live long, or the company that sent me will have to go to 'Generic Documentary Narrators 'R' Us' with their overpriced narrating slaves. Now that you know some of the idiots natural environment and habits, we shall now return to our little friend, and see how his little story is going.
The camera shows the idiot, scratching his chin in thought. He then grins joyously, raising up a finger.
Idiotman: That's it! I'll STEAL my ideas!
Narrator 3: Whoah there! That's Illegal! You better be careful. ((Look what happend to Garry Newman! Wait........ BASTARD!))
The idiotmans face loses all hapiness and he begins shaking a fist
Idiotman: You're lucky I ran out of energy thrashing that other narrator ((and I'm out of snickers)) or I would thrash you with a noodle, a ((GODDAMN BAKED)) noodle!!!!
The camera jerks violently away from the idiotman as the narrator screams
Narrator 3: OH ((GOD)) NO!! ANYTHING BUT A BAKED NOODLES << (is this the way you wanted it to be?)! THOSE THINGS HURT LIKE HELL!
The narrator runs out of the room and slams the door, he then slowly creaks the door open and whispers
Narrator 3: *Whispering* Is it safe to go back in?
The doorway is only a quarter open, and then the idiotman peers slowly at the cameraman, who screams
Narrator 3: *screaming* Thank god I have my trusty cyanid capsule!!
The camera is dropped and you see a hand grab a pill and move it upwards, the idiotman then picks up the camera, and focuses it on the dead narrator.
Idiotman: Uh oh, looks like he overdosed on Tylonol PM. I wonder when he'll wake up.
A thought bubble extends from the idiotmans head, which shows the idiotman old and with a beard.
Old Idiotman: Looks like that was some strong Tylonol PM. (( I should make him pay rent. *then a thought bubble pops up))
((Older Idiotman: Yippykaiyay! I'm rich!))
SCENE 3 PART B: Narrator HQ
The camera shows a man who starts stomping on the ground, yelling
Man: Dammit! That's the 3rd narrator today! We gotta equip the next one with 'Narrator B Safe brand ointment!'
Text comes on the screen that reads: Never Narrate without Narrator B' Safe! followed by a commercial jingle and a voice giving some statement about Narrator B Safe. ((Now even those mutant ak weilding cheetas wont hurt your narrirator *in fast voice* side effects include: Head aches, diahriahh, vomiting, stigmata, scervy, hubba hubba zoot zoot, additction to aircraft fuel, the ability to see people's death, phisical attraction to exploding cretures, coma, death, reincarnation, car wreack leading to death again, zombifacation, gun wound to the head, and serious rectile disorder.))
SCENE 4 PART A
The idiot stands there, holding a stack of papers close to his chest, with a terrifying half grin, half overbite.
The visible top piece of paper reads 'A guide to being teh randomest, by Teh Idiotness' in large bold print.
Narrator 4: Well, it looks like the idiot has done it! He has plagiarized his first piece of work!
SCENE 4 PART B
*The camera shows a dark room lit only by a small beer light. A man sits in a chair staring at the neon light, petting a dead fly with a swatter.*
Man in chair: Look what you did to poor Mr. McAnnoyingWings. This is an absolutely unforgivable disaster that would make even Dick Cheney flagulate himself! Just what would your mother think about this unidentified
*The camera focuses on the sign, and then back to the man in the chair*
Man in chair: Anheisers bush?! ANHEISERS BUSH!? Why the hell would you talk about your mothers bush? Oh, you mean BUSCH.. Sorry. Thought you went a little incesti-loopy there for a second.
*A telephone rings in the background.*
Man in chair: Oops! It sounds like the Orphan Police found my number again! Servius! Grab the phone
*A slumped over man lurches over towards the phone and picks it up*
Servius: Grand central station! No, our toilets don't want lawsuits. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT YOUR MOLD STAINS ON SOMEONE ELSES SEAT! I WILL NOT HAVE MOLDY URINAL CAKES IN MY CEREAL BOX! Oh... wait, you aren't the orphan police, are you?
*Servius brings the phone over to the man in the chair*
Man in chair: What? What? He did what? To my what? Well I can't just stand here and let that man mess with my works! Unless they are my water works.. they need cleaning, but that's not important. Servius, get my lawyers!!
SCENE 4 PART C
(( A random scene by me, feel free to mod it to your needs and such))
* A person is walking with a book in his hands*
*stops*
Tod: Ahh, what a nice day, the birds are singing, the cats are meowing, the homeless are plotting, the satilites are sending pro communist messages!
(beat)
Tod: Death to the capatilists! Gahh!
*Runs to tree and kicks it angrly*
Tod: Where's you corparations now?!
*acorns are dropped at him*
Tod: ow you bastards!!!!
*Turns away and continues to walk on the sidewalk*
Tod: lalalala la llla lala
lawyer 1: Are you Tod Wiggadigger?
Tod: why yes, who are you?
Lawyer 2: we are here to confenscate your pants
Tod: These?
lawyer: yes, they are your only one
Tod: what happend to the others?
Lawyer 1: they were given to
*camera zooms into his face*
Lawyer 1: the dancing owls
*collapses on to his knees and throws his arms up*
Tod: NOOOOOO! DAMN YOU AIR DAMN YOU!
*Lawyer 2 wispers in to his ear*
Tod: Oh I mean: Damn you Owls damn you!
