Moral dilema :-(

[3PEAT]

Hey guys,

Even Though Ive been here only a small time, I love the forums and the help it gives, so I thought I would post a problem of mine and see if you can help...

here goes..

Ok, as you guys know (or dont know) Im going into the military late november /early december. The only problem is that My girlfriend doesnt know and I dont know how to tell her. I brought it up once and she started balling and she said "dont go...stay with me matt...I love you" that was the first time she said that to me...I dont know if she was just desperate for me to stay or what...I broke up with her because I did'nt know what to think...but I let her come over and hook up with me almost every other day..It kills me...what should I do?

 

[Carmine]

Tell the truth.

 

[Lance]

Come now, do you really think she's gonna feel any better if you tell her and leave her at the last minute? It never works keeping things like that secret. Let her know while there's still time for you to help her through it.

 

[Saeten]

Wow, This is a really tough and emotional situation. I understand you want to make her feel her best, but you also need to tell her beforehand so she doesn't get caught off guard. I think the best thing to do is to tell her right away.

 

[lotus blade]

i told my wife straight up. if she loves you enough, she'll understand. trust me, women like honest guys rather then you not telling her.

 

[3PEAT]

thank you guys for all your support.
I have a lot of thinking to do...

 

[Die Geheimwaffe]

If you're serious about joining the military you need to tell her. Be as kind, caring, and patient as possible when telling her. Military personnel move around a lot and put themselves in danger. She needs to have the patients, understanding, and strength to deal with that. If she breaks it off with you because of that then you and her probably don't have long term relationship potential and you'll just have to stay friends. Get it over with now, you don't want extra stress right before you ship off to basic, you'll have enough as it is.

 

[Tidus]

Tell the truth.

+1.

Telling the truth is the best thing to do. I learned this the hard way.

 

[Two Listen]

If you love her, you will not join the military. When you really truly love someone, you have to see them smile all the time. To even think of causing them an ounce of pain is enough to make you want to kill yourself.

When you love someone, you are whatever they need you to be. Regardless of cost. Their happiness is the most important thing in the world to you. More important than any former dreams you've ever had. When you really love someone, the only dream in the world worth making a reality is ensuring their complete and eternal happiness. If you do anything to make it otherwise, for any other reason than to keep her alive and truly happy, then you do not love her.

If you love her, and leave her to join the military, you will regret it. And your life will be poorer for it. And anything that might happen to her during that time, will be as a result of your decision - at least in part. And one day, you'll acknowledge it, and it will tear you apart.

If you love her, that is.

(Some people aren't ready for love.)

 

[LuxMortim]

Just tell her the truth. If she really does love you, she'll stick around.

 

[Two Listen]

Just tell her the truth. If she really does love you, she'll stick around.

Love is about equality and balance, eternally returning eachother's favors.

How can you say that, if you're not then willing to do the same?

Edit: To put it in simpler terms, for those...inexperienced.

"If you really do love her, you'll stick around."

Get it? Don't be like every other guy on the planet. Their worth is minimal.

 

[Rellik]

Tell the truth.

qft

thats it. just tell the truth.
TRUST ME when i say i know that at the time everything seems important, and unbearable. but when you look back you'll feel like a chump for not being stronger.

You've made a decision. And are doing something that i am proud of you for. Take that for what its worth, or whatever, or don't. But the truth is. The military can do alot for you. and you sound like you have your mind made up. So just tell her. and let her start getting used to it now. Either ya'll stick it out. or she keeps freaking out. eitherway you're going. So just tell the truth.

 

[LuxMortim]

Love is about equality and balance, eternally returning eachother's favors.

How can you say that, if you're not then willing to do the same?

Edit: To put it in simpler terms, for those...inexperienced.

"If you really do love her, you'll stick around."

Get it? Don't be like every other guy on the planet. Their worth is minimal.

Keep in mind, I'm fairly young, so I can only state my understanding of it.

 

[Two Listen]

Keep in mind, I'm fairly young, so I can only state my understanding of it.

I get the feeling the OP is fairly young, too.

And there's a simple truth, to that.

Most people simply aren't ready for a relationship of that type of magnitude at that age. ...most people are never ready for it. I believe the question the OP should be asking himself is not "Should I tell my girlfriend I'm joining the army now or later?"

It should instead, probably, be:

"Am I even ready for a relationship at this time? If I am with doubts, if I'm torn at all between where to go in life, then is it possible I'm not ready to take it all on right now? That neither of us deserve to be dragged alongside this indesiciveness?"

Joining the military is your decision, as is what you want to do with every aspect of your life. If the military is more important to you right now than your girl, then you likely are not ready to commit to a relationship at this point.

Instead of trying to figure out for how long and in what ways she'll wind up being dragged through the mud waiting for you, you may be better off figuring out whether or not you're ready for that on your conscious at all.