Sorry for your loss, That is quite terrible.
But just as I posted yesterday in another thread, is this really the place.. on an internet forum, to express yourself? Your family, and close friends. Anyone you personally hold close to you would be the best choice to consolidate within. What's getting a bunch of people you don't know saying "Sorry" going to do for you, my dude?
Sure you can talk to us, but what about in private.. Why is making a thread necessary for such a bleak subject.
Just as posted again yesterday, you are lucky this is a happy Forum filled with very positive, and seemingly good people.. Where flaming and being a general jerk is greatly discouraged. You would be very surprised what terrible cold hearted people lurk on the internet, pretty much because they can't get their ass kicked for their opinion/what they say.
I'll get called mean or insensitive I know, I'm just being Honest, and in a way looking out for your greater being.
Either way. Sorry for your loss. Hopefully you'll find your way through the pain.