how to annoy a major phone company

Jorzonator

Jorzonator

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Here's a conversation that I found from the internet between some guy and AT&T. It's a whole lot words, but stick with it.
Enjoy! :)

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.

I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: (swallowing) Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: (click)
 
Brilliant! I thought they would have given up after the first "Is this AT&T" exchange.

I know a guy that used to mess with telemarketers by politely listening, then saying (in a very quiet, sullen voice) "Well, I'm sitting here contemplating suicide right now, but I'd be willing to buy your product if you could talk me out of it.". Response? A guaranteed hang-up on their end.
 
jeod66 said:
I know a guy that used to mess with telemarketers by politely listening, then saying (in a very quiet, sullen voice) "Well, I'm sitting here contemplating suicide right now, but I'd be willing to buy your product if you could talk me out of it.". Response? A guaranteed hang-up on their end.
Click to expand...

Lol :D
 
haha nice!
Yeah, in my old clan we would do a lot of prank calls on vent.
Mostly on locksmiths. Good luck thinking how we did that :D
 
Back in 2001, my friends and I did a little pranking... Eventually I'll find those recordings. MCI (before it folded) had this teleconferencing system they were promoting. You could sign up for 100 trial minutes on their website, call a 1-800 number and enter the pin assigned to your trial account. Each person on the line counted as a minute. This meant that if you had 10 people on the phone for one minute, you just expended 10-minutes. Get 10-15 people on the line, and you could go through those trial minutes QUICKLY!

However, we found a weakness in their system that allowed us to inject our own arguments, and essentially get unlimited minutes. We called everyone from CVS Pharmacy to AOL Tech Support. I had a little adapter I purchased from Radio Shack for like $20 that allowed me to record the conversations on my computer....Hilarity ensued!
 
lol, its funny when they say hi this is [company] than you just politely, say down the phone after them "Hi. How may I help, you are you interested in buying one of our call packages today?"and stick with it. It gets funny :D
 
midget31394 said:
lol, its funny when they say hi this is [company] than you just politely, say down the phone after them "Hi. How may I help, you are you interested in buying one of our call packages today?"and stick with it. It gets funny :D
Click to expand...
Now thats something we really need to try!
 
Alas, I'm listed on the "Do Not Call" list, so I never get to play with Telemarketers anymore. However, a friend of mine sent me this:

http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

It's a counterscript. If you get a telemarketer, they're filling out a script form. Now you can play the same game too.

Back in the good old days when I actually got calls, I practised my voice acting skills with the unfortunate victim.

Alas, all I get now is collection calls and they boil down to:

Code: 
THEY SAY "Hello, is this NAME$?"
I SAY "Hello, is this CORPORATION$?"
THEY SAY "Yes."
CONVERSATION:
  THEY SAY "May I speak to NAME$?"
  I SAY "May I speak to CORPORATION_CEO$?"
LOOP CONVERSATION
 
my mother, grandmother, sister, and brother were staying in a hotel recently. their room was on, like, the 23rd floor, when they get a call from the front desk. the person on the phone sounds all official, and says there is a gas leak and they have to seal the door and break the window or they'll all die. my family believes them, and starts trashing the room, throwing everything at the window, trying to break it. its very sturdy safety glass (on the 23rd floor), so it doesnt break. they're freaking out thinking they're going to die, when security knocks on the door, wondering what the crap is going on and why they are trashing the room. someone who used to work at 911 had called their room and pranked the crap out of them, but the police got involved, traced the call, and they ended up not having to pay for trashing a super fancy hotel room.
 
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