- Joined
- Aug 2, 2009
- Messages
- 2,019
Ok let's be serious for a minute...how many of you have been in a group of 5+ on the bridge in Kalt when I, armed only with my K98, have cleared it? How many of you have been in a similar group trying to take it while I am there alone, again with K98? What about been a part of my "standing in the second floor of the Allied house, holding the road against waves with nothing but my rifle" shenanigans? What about sitting in the house with an MG, or at the end of the road, and I pop out and hit you?
You don't need to fess up here--just getting your attention. Granted, I consistently finish at about 100-80 K-D as some of you get back at me by dominating me...but really...you should. haha
Let me explain...
If you want to test how good you are, try the "YoSpankDawg" experience:
First, get an old laptop. One that is a few weeks shy of 5.5 years old and never having been formatted. It has to have a "Low-power mobile AMD Athlon 64 processor 3000+ at 90nm, 512KB L2 cache" processor, 1 GB of RAM, and an "ATI MOBILITY RADEON 9700 graphics, 128MB video memory, support for AGP8X".
If you aren't sure if you have found the equivalent, it has to take a few minutes to shut down or start up when you tell it to. edgegamers.org has to take about 20 seconds a page to load. In order to run DoD, this laptop has to have all video settings turned to the absolute lowest graphics possible, turning off and down everything that can be turned down/off. In other words, if you literally cannot see if a person is crouched at the end of the Allied road because settings are so low, then you're almost there. It has to be such a slow computer that you have to close all internet windows and all messenger programs before you start a game. You'll know you're there if your computer freezes if Ides of March sends you a message while the game is loading a map, even if it's the one you play ever day. Your laptop can't be able to play Eve Online Demo or even Hearts of Iron 3. If it can, it's too good.
Ok, got that? Alright, you're ready to begin your own "YoSpankDawg experience", but we've got to make a few more changes first. Let's take that 17" monitor and go ahead and smudge it up from 5.5 years of use with some marks that just won't come off. Oh, and since it overheats to much and the fans fail, go ahead and prop that baby up with two AA batteries, strategically positioned in the lower-left and upper-right corners underneath so you can get a little bit of venting going on. You used to use a plastic whistle, but it melted, so make sure your corded mouse that came with the laptop isn't running underneath the laptop.
There ya go. Is that rocking up and own like a bad/annoying chair and sometimes even rolling (because batteries are round, but they were all you had around and they've worked just fine) if you make any sudden movements? Good. Now, because of the aforementioned heat problems, you have to put it in one specific spot on the desk that can handle the heat. Oh yeah, but your chair can't move because there is another chair right next to you. SO...if you have your laptop (or if you just wanna simulate this with us), go ahead and center that in front of you. Now slide it back from the edge of the table five inches. Done? Now, slide it to the right about nine inches. Then turn it from that location so it faces you again. There ya go. Not terribly far away, but enough to where you start to kill your back if you don't take it easy by taking your left hand off the keyboard every now and then, and hope that your enemies don't now that you're standing still at the moment and will have slow reflexes moving again.
Got all that? You're almost there. Ya know that 'D' key you have there on your keyboard? Yeah, go ahead and just rip that baby right off the keyboard. It fell off a year ago. You can still type 'D' (obviously), but it requires touching the bare metal sensor that still exists--the bare metal sensor that quite literally burns you when you touch it (let's not forget about the overheating!). So...you might wanna change Strafe Right to the F key...
Finally, let's go ahead and turn that microphone off since it's louder than Grand Central station in your house and nobody can hear you anyways. For the same reason, go ahead and just turn your sound off all of the way, because if you were to turn it up high enough to even hear your teammates speaking, even with your good ears, it would give you a headache, so it's not even worth the trouble.
There you go. Now you're set and ready to participate in the "YoSpankDawg experience." Have fun. Good luck going 100-80 with your K98 rifle...
You don't need to fess up here--just getting your attention. Granted, I consistently finish at about 100-80 K-D as some of you get back at me by dominating me...but really...you should. haha
Let me explain...
If you want to test how good you are, try the "YoSpankDawg" experience:
First, get an old laptop. One that is a few weeks shy of 5.5 years old and never having been formatted. It has to have a "Low-power mobile AMD Athlon 64 processor 3000+ at 90nm, 512KB L2 cache" processor, 1 GB of RAM, and an "ATI MOBILITY RADEON 9700 graphics, 128MB video memory, support for AGP8X".
If you aren't sure if you have found the equivalent, it has to take a few minutes to shut down or start up when you tell it to. edgegamers.org has to take about 20 seconds a page to load. In order to run DoD, this laptop has to have all video settings turned to the absolute lowest graphics possible, turning off and down everything that can be turned down/off. In other words, if you literally cannot see if a person is crouched at the end of the Allied road because settings are so low, then you're almost there. It has to be such a slow computer that you have to close all internet windows and all messenger programs before you start a game. You'll know you're there if your computer freezes if Ides of March sends you a message while the game is loading a map, even if it's the one you play ever day. Your laptop can't be able to play Eve Online Demo or even Hearts of Iron 3. If it can, it's too good.
Ok, got that? Alright, you're ready to begin your own "YoSpankDawg experience", but we've got to make a few more changes first. Let's take that 17" monitor and go ahead and smudge it up from 5.5 years of use with some marks that just won't come off. Oh, and since it overheats to much and the fans fail, go ahead and prop that baby up with two AA batteries, strategically positioned in the lower-left and upper-right corners underneath so you can get a little bit of venting going on. You used to use a plastic whistle, but it melted, so make sure your corded mouse that came with the laptop isn't running underneath the laptop.
There ya go. Is that rocking up and own like a bad/annoying chair and sometimes even rolling (because batteries are round, but they were all you had around and they've worked just fine) if you make any sudden movements? Good. Now, because of the aforementioned heat problems, you have to put it in one specific spot on the desk that can handle the heat. Oh yeah, but your chair can't move because there is another chair right next to you. SO...if you have your laptop (or if you just wanna simulate this with us), go ahead and center that in front of you. Now slide it back from the edge of the table five inches. Done? Now, slide it to the right about nine inches. Then turn it from that location so it faces you again. There ya go. Not terribly far away, but enough to where you start to kill your back if you don't take it easy by taking your left hand off the keyboard every now and then, and hope that your enemies don't now that you're standing still at the moment and will have slow reflexes moving again.
Got all that? You're almost there. Ya know that 'D' key you have there on your keyboard? Yeah, go ahead and just rip that baby right off the keyboard. It fell off a year ago. You can still type 'D' (obviously), but it requires touching the bare metal sensor that still exists--the bare metal sensor that quite literally burns you when you touch it (let's not forget about the overheating!). So...you might wanna change Strafe Right to the F key...
Finally, let's go ahead and turn that microphone off since it's louder than Grand Central station in your house and nobody can hear you anyways. For the same reason, go ahead and just turn your sound off all of the way, because if you were to turn it up high enough to even hear your teammates speaking, even with your good ears, it would give you a headache, so it's not even worth the trouble.
There you go. Now you're set and ready to participate in the "YoSpankDawg experience." Have fun. Good luck going 100-80 with your K98 rifle...
