- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Messages
- 1,573
mmmm could be worse i could no be hear hahaha o yes BTY ANYONE CAN POST JOKES HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i might post some jokes from other sites i donno
Joke's of the day By: Evil-Jester
- Thread starter Evil-Jester
- Start date
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2007
- Messages
- 155
ok here is a corny one for ya
How do ya make Holy Water?
.
.
.
Answer: You boil the hell out of it.
rumpa pum pum
How do ya make Holy Water?
.
.
.
Answer: You boil the hell out of it.
rumpa pum pum
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Messages
- 1,573
[quote1197750735==(e)= Caine -=KK=-]
but they're only special cuz u posted them :\
[/quote1197750735]
i could remove the link and go on from were i left off if that makes you feal better
but they're only special cuz u posted them :\
[/quote1197750735]
i could remove the link and go on from were i left off if that makes you feal better
[quote1197768315= Evil-Jeste® =KK=]
[quote1197750735==(e)= Caine -=KK=-]
but they're only special cuz u posted them :\
[/quote1197750735]
i could remove the link and go on from were i left off if that makes you feal better
[/quote1197768315]
Yes!!, or just PM the link to ppl who want it.
[quote1197750735==(e)= Caine -=KK=-]
but they're only special cuz u posted them :\
[/quote1197750735]
i could remove the link and go on from were i left off if that makes you feal better
[/quote1197768315]
Yes!!, or just PM the link to ppl who want it.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Messages
- 1,573
better???? anyways by request
Memo from a Blond Engineer:
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate, I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
and new days:
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
Sundak
So we're readk to go. ________________________________________________________________________
SHE WAS SO BLONDE
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put "Sagittarius".
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
she studied for a blood test - and failed.
she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
she sold the car for gas money.
when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around her home, she moved.
she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport left" she turned around
and went home.
________________________________________________________________________
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude." "You must be an engineer" says the balloonist. "I am" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost." The man below says "You must be a manager." "I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
________________________________________________________________________
Memo from a Blond Engineer:
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate, I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
and new days:
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
Sundak
So we're readk to go. ________________________________________________________________________
SHE WAS SO BLONDE
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put "Sagittarius".
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
she studied for a blood test - and failed.
she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
she sold the car for gas money.
when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around her home, she moved.
she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport left" she turned around
and went home.
________________________________________________________________________
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude." "You must be an engineer" says the balloonist. "I am" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost." The man below says "You must be a manager." "I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
________________________________________________________________________
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2007
- Messages
- 12
haha
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Messages
- 1,573
more joke time
1.How does an American help heal the Russian economy?
-As does an injection into an artificial limb.
2.For many years the Americans have been training an agent to work in Russia. His legend was superbly elaborated. Finally he was dropped off from a plane into the Russian territory dressed in a quilted jacket, felt high boots and a cap with ear-flaps. He stepped out of the woods came to the nearest log cabin and asked the old woman who lived there for a drink.
-Are you a spy dearly, the lady asked.
-Where did you get that from, old lady.
-Well, we never saw black men in these parts before.
3.An American has offered some caviar to Rabinowich.
-O, my goodness, said Rabinowich. How far are you dropped behind us! We ate this 50 years ago.
4.Carter and Brejenev came out from the adjacent doors and got together.
-Finally we are completely disarmed, said Carter.
-Yes. Now we can trust each other, replayed Brejenev.
-Hey you! Stop talking and go back to your cells, shouted a Chinese warder.
5.News.
1. An American aircraft carrier crashed and sunk in the Atlantic ocean. None of our men were hurt.
2. Yesterday our country was perfidiously attacked by China. Battle is in progress near Beijing.
6. After successful landing of American spacecraft with astronauts on the Moon, the Central Committee of the Communist Party had extraordinary meeting, then they called russian cosmonauts.
- We decided that you will depart tomorrow with a mission to land on the Sun.
- But we... We will burn.
- Do you think we all are idiots? You will fly at night
________________________________________________________________________
I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water and tableware. He too sported a spoon in his breast-pocket. I looked around the room, all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?" "Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil at a frequency of about 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time. Nearly 1.5 extra man hours per shift ..." Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket. "I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead of making a special trip," he proudly explained. I was impressed. "Thanks. I had to ask." "No problem," he answered, then he continued to take our orders. As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted back and forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread
protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it. Yet I had to scan the room, and sure enough there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers. My curiosity overrode discretion at this point ... so before he could leave, I had to ask. "Excuse me, but ... uh ... why, or what ... about that string?" "Oh yeah," he began in a quieter tone. "Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too." "How's that?" "You see, by tying a string to the end of our ... eh ... selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over 93%!" "Oh, that makes sense," I said, thinking through the process. "Hey, wait a minute ... if the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use my spoon."
________________________________________________________________________
1.How does an American help heal the Russian economy?
-As does an injection into an artificial limb.
2.For many years the Americans have been training an agent to work in Russia. His legend was superbly elaborated. Finally he was dropped off from a plane into the Russian territory dressed in a quilted jacket, felt high boots and a cap with ear-flaps. He stepped out of the woods came to the nearest log cabin and asked the old woman who lived there for a drink.
-Are you a spy dearly, the lady asked.
-Where did you get that from, old lady.
-Well, we never saw black men in these parts before.
3.An American has offered some caviar to Rabinowich.
-O, my goodness, said Rabinowich. How far are you dropped behind us! We ate this 50 years ago.
4.Carter and Brejenev came out from the adjacent doors and got together.
-Finally we are completely disarmed, said Carter.
-Yes. Now we can trust each other, replayed Brejenev.
-Hey you! Stop talking and go back to your cells, shouted a Chinese warder.
5.News.
1. An American aircraft carrier crashed and sunk in the Atlantic ocean. None of our men were hurt.
2. Yesterday our country was perfidiously attacked by China. Battle is in progress near Beijing.
6. After successful landing of American spacecraft with astronauts on the Moon, the Central Committee of the Communist Party had extraordinary meeting, then they called russian cosmonauts.
- We decided that you will depart tomorrow with a mission to land on the Sun.
- But we... We will burn.
- Do you think we all are idiots? You will fly at night
________________________________________________________________________
I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water and tableware. He too sported a spoon in his breast-pocket. I looked around the room, all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?" "Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil at a frequency of about 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time. Nearly 1.5 extra man hours per shift ..." Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket. "I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead of making a special trip," he proudly explained. I was impressed. "Thanks. I had to ask." "No problem," he answered, then he continued to take our orders. As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted back and forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread
protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it. Yet I had to scan the room, and sure enough there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers. My curiosity overrode discretion at this point ... so before he could leave, I had to ask. "Excuse me, but ... uh ... why, or what ... about that string?" "Oh yeah," he began in a quieter tone. "Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too." "How's that?" "You see, by tying a string to the end of our ... eh ... selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over 93%!" "Oh, that makes sense," I said, thinking through the process. "Hey, wait a minute ... if the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use my spoon."
________________________________________________________________________
