Ejes Grammar Post of the Week

eje007

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It's Wednesday, and you know what that means? No. Not a new episode of Zero Punctuation...wait...yes it does. Hold on.

Okay, back. Where does he come up with that stuff? Actually...I don't want to know.

Eh? What are you looking at me for I wasn't about to tell you anything. Oh! A lesson on grammar, eh? Right.

Punctuation.

You all know how to use it. And if you don't then talk to your English teacher. You see, I used to say "Grammar is what separates us from the animals." And it is. "Grammar is the set of structural rules that govern the composition of sentences, phrases, and words in any given natural language." (Wikipedia) Animals can communicate. Monkeys can wave their hands around and throw poo at each other. Depending on how they throw their poo determines the message. Dolphins squeak and splash and depending on how they do that determines the message.

So I was wrong in my original declaration that Grammar separates us from the animal kingdom. Because their languages have rules too. A monkey can't throw his poo into another monkey's face and expect good results. There are rules. So what it comes down to is punctuation. Punctuation separates us from the animals, as we humans are the only ones to have evolved a written language, so we needed special rules for this written language too. When you speak, you don't really use punctuation, since punctuation can almost be defined as a modifier to how the sentence is spoken. A period denotes a pause, a comma can denote a list of items, a side note, or even two ideas squished into one.

This post isn't going to teach you any punctuation, but hopefully convince you to start using it if you don't. After all, humans don't throw their poo around in attempts to communicate, so why poo all over your keyboard and call it a post? Take respect in what you type.


Bonus:
Semi-colons are used to join two connected sentences.

Ex: I play on eGO servers; I like them the best.

Notice both halves of that sentence could stand on their own, but are improved for better understanding by connecting them with a semi-colon.
 
I find, Punctatuation; a little, hard on; English--. But I, will start; using it for, now. :)
 
Non-Native speakers get a free pass. Except Mikkel; he gets no such luxury.
 
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Thanks for enlightening us.
 
I disprove of your example with a semi-colon, according to Kurt Vonnegut,
Kurt Vonnegut said:
"First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college"
I do approve of the pooing over the keyboard, I use proper grammar in posts and I feel proud about it.

Also, thanks for reminding me about ZP, site was down when I checked earlier.
 
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Oh dear, I just got out of school, now I feel like I'm back in it.
 
Kurt Vonnegut obviously has not gone to college and feels jealous of those who have. He also did not write the rules of our language, so he can shut up.

The semi-colon is like taping two pieces of paper together to make a big one. Not always useful, but not exactly useLESS either.
 
I love using semi-colons with a passion. It helps my writing a lot since I tend to ramble on excessively on my papers at time :(

Another well informed message from eje :)
 
Kurt Vonnegut obviously has not gone to college and feels jealous of those who have. He also did not write the rules of our language, so he can shut up.

The semi-colon is like taping two pieces of paper together to make a big one. Not always useful, but not exactly useLESS either.

Laughed my ass off right there. Great punctuation post Eje. ;)
 
Excellent post, and in the spirit of furthering grammatical conventions, allow me to go into a little more detail about semicolons. Ahem.

HEY!​


See this?


----> ; <-----

That's a Semicolon.

And very few people know how to use her.​


Here's the deal. The original poster said it: a semicolon is used to separate two similar, connected ideas. But I hear you out there, thinking really hard. You're saying "hey, when do I know when two ideas are similar enough to use a semi-whatsimicalled?" The other half of you are thinking "hey, you used a conjunction to start a sentence two sentences ago! You're a jerk!" As it turns out, I was too lazy to go back, and I felt it would be a good passive lesson to all that conjunctions shouldn't start sentences.

ANYHOW.... how do you recognize when to use a semicolon? there are 3 things a semicolon can replace/fix.

1. Semicolons can typically fix comma splices effectively.

What's a comma splice? This is a comma splice:

Jack and Jill went to see a movie, they also had popcorn.

see how the comma splits the sentence up in a terrible way? That should be a period! Well, actually, it could be. However, it could also easily be fixed with a semicolon:

Jack and Jill went to see a movie; they also had popcorn.


2. Periods. If you see a period separating two short sentences, there's a good chance they can be connected if they deal with the same thing:

Jack punched Ted in the face. He then sat down and felt satisfied all afternoon.

Fixed.


Jack punched Ted in the face; He then sat down and felt satisfied all afternoon.


3. Replacing the word 'and'. Generally, if the word 'and' connects two simple related sentences, you can make it a semicolon.


Ted filed a lawsuit against Jack and he later was arrested for public misdemeanor.

Better:


Ted filed a lawsuit against Jack; he later was arrested for public misdemeanor.


Now, here's the burning question though. You're sitting there thinking: "But Dread, I want to make fun of other people for their terrible grammatical skills! you've only showed me how to make semicolons work! How do I know if they DON'T work?" Well, as you might have guessed, you can just reverse those three processes and you'll see if your object of scrutiny is in the right or not. For instance:


Ted, now satisfied with his social venture decided it was time for lunch; he was later found dead with half of a poison sandwich lying near him.

Do the test: does 'and' or a period work there? they sure do. That's fine. How about this:


Jack, being the sly guy that he was; ended up skipping town before his sentence and still roams the streets.

Can you put and there? Sure can't. How about a period? NO. That means, hypothetically, that the person who constructed that sentence should be looked upon from under the furrowed brow of an English elitist, and should generally be scoffed at mildly.

And now you know.

EDIT: I've just found not a grammatical error, but rather a syntactical error in one of my example sentences. First one to find it (not more errors, but specifically the one I'm thinking of) gets 500CC, just cause. I would say it's a university level mistake, so if it's a highschooler that gets it, more power to you.

DOUBLE EDIT: I found one more syntactical error in one of my sentences. That makes 2 total; 500CC each to my corrector(s).
 
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How ironic, some punctuation errors were in the first post.
Eh? What are you looking at me for, I wasn't about to tell you anything. Oh! A lesson on grammar, eh? Right.

You all know how to use it. And if you don't, then talk to your English teacher. You see, I used to say, "Grammar is what separates us from the animals." And it is...

So I was wrong in my original declaration that Grammar separates us from the animal kingdom, because their languages have rules too...

Not to mention some other grammatical (edited, grammar isn't an adjective) errors...but yes, people need to use correct punctuation more!
Also: since =/= because. Since is only used as in, "Since (time, something happened), blah blah blah," or, "Blah blah blah ever since (time, something happened)"
 
What a crap load of wasted space. I give your analysis of grammar a 3/10. I do this mostly because I don't like reading, but that is a personal problem of mine. You should feel ashamed for trying to tell these people about grammar. They don't want to learn; if they wanted to learn then they would read a book. You have pissed in the kitchen eje. I hope you are happy.
 
What a crap load of wasted space. I give your analysis of grammar a 3/10. I do this mostly because I don't like reading, but that is a personal problem of mine. You should feel ashamed for trying to tell these people about grammar. They don't want to learn; if they wanted to learn then they would read a book. You have pissed in the kitchen eje. I hope you are happy.


This is a prime example of a post that should be kept to yourself. This is in no way reinforcing or constructive; there is exactly zero reason why you should have posted this. If it's a personal issue, as you say it is, keep it that way.

Oh, and incidentally, you used a semicolon correctly.
 
Sticky this thread; It is good.

Fail here... it should have been "Sticky this thread; it is good."
The sentence following the semicolon should not be capitalized, as it is still technically part of the same sentence.
 
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