Also why are we discussing when it isn't even going to be in the game.
You make a point. why don't we discuss pertinent things.
Ideas:
Darwin's Danger Shield (razorback replacement): Because the crocodile skin is more fibrous than the wooden razorback, I would say it wouldn't break on impact, but rather tear. My thought is that it would easily resist up to 5 backstabs, but because it doesn't have an electric shock attached to it, it also doesn't stun. That means a spy can repeatedly stab as often as he can until the thing finally tears away to nothing. It would make a unique sound, so the sniper knew what was happening.
I think that would be more balanced than the razorback, honestly. It might even be good enough that I would actually use it. The crappy thing about the razorback is that it's done after the first stab, and you've traded jarate for nothing. However, if it was more resilient at the cost of the stun effect, it would be more balanced.
Black Box (rocket launcher replacement): it's a big, heavy thing, and as such, it would make the soldier run at heavy speed. Plus, it would make his rocket jumps less effective because it would have to lift more weight. Big costs, to be sure. What's the gain? The same damage of the direct hit with only a 25% reduction in splash damage, as opposed to the DH's 70%. The rockets would go at the same speed as regular rockets. After all, it takes a lot of energy to move those things packed with MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF EXPLOSIVES forward.
Why 25%? well, the DH does 25% more damage. The idea here is that it does the exact same splash damage as regular rockets do, but if you DO happen to hit your enemy dead on, it'll be like hitting them with a slower DH; same amount of damage. It's the best of both worlds. The costs are big though; less height on rocket jumps and a slower run speed make it a big trade off.
The Holy Mackerel (Scout bat replacement): You just got hit with a FISH! in a NEWSPAPER! how embarrassing. Just about as embarrassing as jarate. Therefore, I suggest that every time someone gets hit with the mackerel, they suffer 2 seconds of mini-crits, each time he gets hit, the time is additive; if you get hit 3 times, it's 6 seconds of suffered minicrits (minus any time that's already been spent getting whacked). Why additive? getting hit with a fish sucks, but almost getting beaten to death? That's pretty damned demoralizing.
Bad thing? reduced damage, if only marginally. I mean, it is a fish. it's flexible. It doesn't have nearly the impact force of a metal bat, I would assume. Perhaps 60% of the damage makes sense. Since mini-crits are 135% damage, that would mean every hit after the first does roughly 81% of the original bat's damage.
Those are just some ideas... what do you guys think? Also, what are your ideas for some of these guys?