notalwaysright.com
heres a few from the website that made me LOL:
Why Cashiers Should Rule The World
Grocery Store | Arlington, VA, USAArlington, VA, USA
(I’m a customer in the check out line. I’m buying a box of tampons for my mom, who is bedridden after surgery. One of the two customers standing behind me in line speaks up.)
Other customer: “Ha-ha what a p****. He’s buying tampons.”
(I ignore the two and move forwards to the cashier. She’s an attractive girl of about 20 years old.)
Cashier: “$5.71 after the discount.”
(I have no idea what discount she’s talking about, but I pay her and get my change.)
Cashier: *with a smile on her face* “Here you go baby, I’m taking my break now and I’ll see you at home at 8. Just leave the tampons in my car, please.”
(She leans over the counter and kisses me on the cheek. She then turns the light off on the register number and walks off towards the other side of the store. The two customers watched her with their jaws open and angrily walk off to another register.)
Quite Rightly, Waiting Impolitely Is Unsightly
Restaurant | Waterloo, Ontario, Canada
(The restaurant is very busy, so food wait time is longer than usual.)
Table 1: “When is our food coming out? This is ridiculous; we’ve been waiting 20 minutes!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We are very busy right now, but I’ll be bringing out your food very shortly.”
Table 1: “Well, I hope so! You’re the worst server we’ve ever had!”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Like I said, it’ll be out shortly.”
(I move to another table.)
Me: “I’m really sorry about the wait, I’ve checked on your food and it will be out shortly. I’m so sorry. I realize you’ve been waiting 40 minutes.”
Table 2: “That’s not a problem at all…don’t worry about it.”
Me: “I’d like to offer you your meals on the house, and thank you again for your patience.”
Table 1: *overhearing* “How come WE don’t get our meals on the house?”
Table 2: *to table 1* “Because WE’VE been waiting POLITELY!”
Like Himself, His Answer Was Full Of Crap
Retail | Oregon, USA
Me: “Thanks for coming in today, sir. What can I do for you?”
Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! I set up the password and now I can’t remember it.”
Me: “Alright, that’s an easy fix. Let’s go to the site to reset your password.”
(I guide the customer to the correct site and we get to the option to answer a secret question of the user’s choice. The question: ‘Am I a s***head?’)
Customer: “Hmm…” *types ‘No’*
Computer: “I’m sorry, the answer you have selected is incorrect. Please try again.”
Why Bus Drivers Should Rule The World
Public Transportation | San Jose, CA, USA
(I am in the middle of a long bus ride. A woman is talking extremely loudly on her cell phone. Several other commuters have already moved away from her.)
Driver: “Ma’am. I have to ask you to quiet down. You are disturbing other passengers.”
Woman: “Ugh.”
(She lowers her voice for about three minutes, then begins yelling again.)
Driver: “Ma’am, I told you once already. If I can hear it, it’s too loud. If you don’t take it down a notch you’re getting off at the next stop.”
Woman: *glares* “I am trying to have a private conversation! Will you give me a minute?”
(At this point, a man who had moved away silently stands up, removes the big “Be A Considerate Commuter” sign from the overhead rack, and sits pointedly across from her with it.)
Woman: “Hold on, Lita. Some a** is trying to get my attention.” *covers phone* “If you don’t like it, you can get off the bus! Stop eavesdropping on me!”
Man: “Well ma’am, at this point, I think you could talk a little louder and dispense with the phone entirely.”
Woman: *flustered and angry* “Whatever! Okay, I’m back, Lita. So, anyway…”
(I hope the next stop was hers, because that’s where the driver left her.)
How To Ensure A Blanc Stare
Grocery Store | Ypsilanti, MI, USA
(A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)
Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*
Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”
Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*
Drive Hoo
Fast Food | Atlanta, GA, USA
Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant], how may I help you?”
Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”
Me: “Alright, that’ll be $12.09.”
Customer: “Woohoo!”
(The customer drives to the window.)
Me: “That’s $12.09.”
Customer: “Woohoo!”
*pause*
Me: “$12.09.”
Customer: “Woohoo!”
Me: “12.”
Customer: “Woo!”
Me: “09.”
Customer: “Hoo!”
Me: “12.09″
Customer: “Woohoo!”
Me: “…09.12″
Customer: “Hoowoo!”
Me: “90.21″
Customer: “Ooh-oow!”
Me: “Well played, sir.”
Read Her Lips
Supermarket | Brisbane, Australia
(I am scanning a customer’s order when I notice she is buying a $30 lip-gloss that is also being given away with a magazine).
Me: "Miss, if you’d like to buy [magazine] for $7.20, you get this exact lip-gloss free inside."
Customer: "But I don’t want the magazine. I just want the lip-gloss."
Me: "I understand, but even if you give the magazine away, you still get the lip-gloss for $7.20 and save $22.80."
Customer: "Do I look like a charity? I’m not going to give away a $7 magazine. Haven’t you heard of saving money?"
Me: "Well yes, what I’m saying is you can save money by buying the magazine–"
Customer: "Stop trying to rip me off and scan my lip-gloss!"
(I ring up her lip-gloss for $30 and she storms off. The next customer puts the same magazine on the counter.)
Next Customer: "I don’t want it either, but I have half a brain."
You’d Bella Believe It
Call Center | Wilmington, NC, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling. May I have your first and last name please?”
Caller: “Yes this is [name] from [wireless store] and I need help with switching a customer’s phone.”
Me: “I can certainly assist you with changing the phone. May I have the serial number for the new phone?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s A as in Alpha, E as in Edward, and C…as in Cullen.” *awkward pause* “Don’t judge me!”
Tricks Of The Trade
Call Center | Denmark
Me: “Welcome to [company name] hotline. How may I help you?”
Caller: “My name is [name]. I’ve ordered mobile broadband weeks ago, but I didn’t receive squat!”
Me: “Let me just check with customer service to see what we can do about that. Do you mind holding?”
(I put the caller on hold and dial customer services. They check the tracking number for his modem and it seems he has already picked it up from his local post office. He is trying to get a free modem out of us.)
Me: “Hi, I’m back. Looks like I’ve got a solution to your problem. Try to open the mobile partner software on your desktop.” (This is software that automatically installs itself first time you plug in the mobile broadband modem.)
Caller: “Sure, no problem.”
(I briefly explain to the customer that he couldn’t have done that without receiving the modem.)
Caller: “I want to talk to your manager!”
(I hand the call to my manager.)
Caller: “Your employee tried to trick me! Now what are you going to do about it?”
Manager: “Promote him?”
When Grave Concerns Are Warranted
Electronic Store | Canada
(After talking to an elderly customer about a computer and all its benefits, I try to talk to him about our in-store warranty.)
Me: “So are you interested in purchasing this computer and having it protected for three years through us?”
Customer: “I would be dead by then.”
Me: “Then it would be a lifetime warranty.”
Customer: *laughs*
and my personal favorite:
Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough
Fast Food | Melbourne, Australia
Me: “…and a large Dew.”
Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”
Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”
Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”
Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Me: “Ah, sorry?”
Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”
Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”
Me: “Really, it’s fine.”
Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
hope you got a laugh outa some of these
i know i did
XD
heres a few from the website that made me LOL:
Why Cashiers Should Rule The World
Grocery Store | Arlington, VA, USAArlington, VA, USA
(I’m a customer in the check out line. I’m buying a box of tampons for my mom, who is bedridden after surgery. One of the two customers standing behind me in line speaks up.)
Other customer: “Ha-ha what a p****. He’s buying tampons.”
(I ignore the two and move forwards to the cashier. She’s an attractive girl of about 20 years old.)
Cashier: “$5.71 after the discount.”
(I have no idea what discount she’s talking about, but I pay her and get my change.)
Cashier: *with a smile on her face* “Here you go baby, I’m taking my break now and I’ll see you at home at 8. Just leave the tampons in my car, please.”
(She leans over the counter and kisses me on the cheek. She then turns the light off on the register number and walks off towards the other side of the store. The two customers watched her with their jaws open and angrily walk off to another register.)
Quite Rightly, Waiting Impolitely Is Unsightly
Restaurant | Waterloo, Ontario, Canada
(The restaurant is very busy, so food wait time is longer than usual.)
Table 1: “When is our food coming out? This is ridiculous; we’ve been waiting 20 minutes!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We are very busy right now, but I’ll be bringing out your food very shortly.”
Table 1: “Well, I hope so! You’re the worst server we’ve ever had!”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Like I said, it’ll be out shortly.”
(I move to another table.)
Me: “I’m really sorry about the wait, I’ve checked on your food and it will be out shortly. I’m so sorry. I realize you’ve been waiting 40 minutes.”
Table 2: “That’s not a problem at all…don’t worry about it.”
Me: “I’d like to offer you your meals on the house, and thank you again for your patience.”
Table 1: *overhearing* “How come WE don’t get our meals on the house?”
Table 2: *to table 1* “Because WE’VE been waiting POLITELY!”
Like Himself, His Answer Was Full Of Crap
Retail | Oregon, USA
Me: “Thanks for coming in today, sir. What can I do for you?”
Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! I set up the password and now I can’t remember it.”
Me: “Alright, that’s an easy fix. Let’s go to the site to reset your password.”
(I guide the customer to the correct site and we get to the option to answer a secret question of the user’s choice. The question: ‘Am I a s***head?’)
Customer: “Hmm…” *types ‘No’*
Computer: “I’m sorry, the answer you have selected is incorrect. Please try again.”
Why Bus Drivers Should Rule The World
Public Transportation | San Jose, CA, USA
(I am in the middle of a long bus ride. A woman is talking extremely loudly on her cell phone. Several other commuters have already moved away from her.)
Driver: “Ma’am. I have to ask you to quiet down. You are disturbing other passengers.”
Woman: “Ugh.”
(She lowers her voice for about three minutes, then begins yelling again.)
Driver: “Ma’am, I told you once already. If I can hear it, it’s too loud. If you don’t take it down a notch you’re getting off at the next stop.”
Woman: *glares* “I am trying to have a private conversation! Will you give me a minute?”
(At this point, a man who had moved away silently stands up, removes the big “Be A Considerate Commuter” sign from the overhead rack, and sits pointedly across from her with it.)
Woman: “Hold on, Lita. Some a** is trying to get my attention.” *covers phone* “If you don’t like it, you can get off the bus! Stop eavesdropping on me!”
Man: “Well ma’am, at this point, I think you could talk a little louder and dispense with the phone entirely.”
Woman: *flustered and angry* “Whatever! Okay, I’m back, Lita. So, anyway…”
(I hope the next stop was hers, because that’s where the driver left her.)
How To Ensure A Blanc Stare
Grocery Store | Ypsilanti, MI, USA
(A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)
Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*
Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”
Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*
Drive Hoo
Fast Food | Atlanta, GA, USA
Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant], how may I help you?”
Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”
Me: “Alright, that’ll be $12.09.”
Customer: “Woohoo!”
(The customer drives to the window.)
Me: “That’s $12.09.”
Customer: “Woohoo!”
*pause*
Me: “$12.09.”
Customer: “Woohoo!”
Me: “12.”
Customer: “Woo!”
Me: “09.”
Customer: “Hoo!”
Me: “12.09″
Customer: “Woohoo!”
Me: “…09.12″
Customer: “Hoowoo!”
Me: “90.21″
Customer: “Ooh-oow!”
Me: “Well played, sir.”
Read Her Lips
Supermarket | Brisbane, Australia
(I am scanning a customer’s order when I notice she is buying a $30 lip-gloss that is also being given away with a magazine).
Me: "Miss, if you’d like to buy [magazine] for $7.20, you get this exact lip-gloss free inside."
Customer: "But I don’t want the magazine. I just want the lip-gloss."
Me: "I understand, but even if you give the magazine away, you still get the lip-gloss for $7.20 and save $22.80."
Customer: "Do I look like a charity? I’m not going to give away a $7 magazine. Haven’t you heard of saving money?"
Me: "Well yes, what I’m saying is you can save money by buying the magazine–"
Customer: "Stop trying to rip me off and scan my lip-gloss!"
(I ring up her lip-gloss for $30 and she storms off. The next customer puts the same magazine on the counter.)
Next Customer: "I don’t want it either, but I have half a brain."
You’d Bella Believe It
Call Center | Wilmington, NC, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling. May I have your first and last name please?”
Caller: “Yes this is [name] from [wireless store] and I need help with switching a customer’s phone.”
Me: “I can certainly assist you with changing the phone. May I have the serial number for the new phone?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s A as in Alpha, E as in Edward, and C…as in Cullen.” *awkward pause* “Don’t judge me!”
Tricks Of The Trade
Call Center | Denmark
Me: “Welcome to [company name] hotline. How may I help you?”
Caller: “My name is [name]. I’ve ordered mobile broadband weeks ago, but I didn’t receive squat!”
Me: “Let me just check with customer service to see what we can do about that. Do you mind holding?”
(I put the caller on hold and dial customer services. They check the tracking number for his modem and it seems he has already picked it up from his local post office. He is trying to get a free modem out of us.)
Me: “Hi, I’m back. Looks like I’ve got a solution to your problem. Try to open the mobile partner software on your desktop.” (This is software that automatically installs itself first time you plug in the mobile broadband modem.)
Caller: “Sure, no problem.”
(I briefly explain to the customer that he couldn’t have done that without receiving the modem.)
Caller: “I want to talk to your manager!”
(I hand the call to my manager.)
Caller: “Your employee tried to trick me! Now what are you going to do about it?”
Manager: “Promote him?”
When Grave Concerns Are Warranted
Electronic Store | Canada
(After talking to an elderly customer about a computer and all its benefits, I try to talk to him about our in-store warranty.)
Me: “So are you interested in purchasing this computer and having it protected for three years through us?”
Customer: “I would be dead by then.”
Me: “Then it would be a lifetime warranty.”
Customer: *laughs*
and my personal favorite:
Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough
Fast Food | Melbourne, Australia
Me: “…and a large Dew.”
Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”
Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”
Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”
Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Me: “Ah, sorry?”
Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”
Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”
Me: “Really, it’s fine.”
Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
hope you got a laugh outa some of these
i know i did
XD
