Facts about HWG.

E

engineer

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Aug 22, 2009
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- HWG's ushanka is NOT a hat. It is either a colony of rabid attack squirrels, or ground zero for the most awesome use of styling gel ever conceived. Ever.

- HWG's minigun has no recoil because the gun is too afraid to jump. His first minigun had so much recoil that he condemned it to an eternal punishment worse than death; it became the Scout's bat.

- HWG's voice caused Frosty the Snowman to melt during an eGO Karaoke night. Ironically, he reportedly sang "Cold As Ice".

- HWG taught Kahless how to fight.

- HWG can be every class at the same time. He once sang "Burnin' In The Third Degree" which suddenly caused the opposing team to catch on fire. He then proceeded to Axtingush them in a fit of bologna-induced fury.

- When the going gets tough, the tough get going. When the tough get going, HWG is ubercharged and mows down the tough with ease.

- HWG once sued Davy Crocket for defamation; No one has ever crocketed Dave. Ever.
 
- HWG once dominated everyone on Turbine. Even the people on his team. From Dustbowl.

- One =(eGO)= asked HWG to stop singing. Every admin on the server was spontaneously demoted to e.

- AutoDMC once challenged HWG to a duel. HWG logged out to make it fair, but he still won 1024 to -3.

- HWG knows what's in the intelligence case.

- Bonk! is HWG sweat.

- HWG doesn't actually use a minigun. He fires boolets with his hands.

- One time one of AutoDMC's minisentries shot HWG's medic buddy. HWG frowned and every sentry gun on all eGO servers instantly self destructed.

- When HWG types "explode" in his console, everyone ELSE explodes.

- HWG once got his entire team on the point. In Turbine.

- HWG rocket jumps. As a heavy.

- A week ago, HWG switched classes to Medic. The paradox caused half the server to go insane.
 
Engineers at SoftLayer grew concerned as one of their server racks in Server Room DAL07* would periodically draw two or three times normal power and bandwidth. They did extensive research on the hardware to trace the issue down. After consulting with the clan, they finally figured out what was going on.

The servers needed more power and bandwidth whenever HWG joined the game.

* Name changed to protect the innocent.

- Telltale asked HWG if he wanted to be a guest at the Poker Night at the Inventory game. They decided to just invite TF2's Heavy Weapon Guy instead because it wouldn't be fair if the computer won every hand.

-- However, one thing survived; HWG wrote a line of dialog for the game that the Heavy says now instead. They made a small change to it. The original line was "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you some more. Fool me three times? You get sent to your death."
 
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Kids wear superman pajamas
Superman wears chuck norris pajamas
Chuck norris wears HWG pajamas.
 
HWG doesn't always drink beer. But when he does, it's mixed with the blood of all the enemies he's slaughtered.
 
HWG decided to carve a scary jack-o'lantern and it became the HHH.
 
- HWG causes The Tank to kill the zombies in L4D
 
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HWG doesn't have babies. He just has men.

After talking to HWG in vent, I sprouted a beard.

HWG doesn't need glitches to run while firing the minigun.

HWG makes Chuck Norris cry.

One time HWG joined Black Mesa. It morphed into Turbine.
 
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- HWG once tried to work as a cable repairman, but his tendancy to destroy TV sets by pointing at them and yelling "POW!" forced him into retirement.

- The reason that HWG does not use Natascha is that his enemies are already scared stiff. No wait, they're already dead.

- "The Man With The Golden Gun" was once a book about HWG, but was changed significantly once it turned out that there was no way for Bond to kill HWG. The original namuscritp is one page long and simply reads "POW! Haha! The End."
 
Darth once stabbed HWG...


HWG then hacked the server then slayed me for all eternity.

True story.
 
HWG outsnipes snipers with taunt kills.
HWG doesn't go for the teleporters, they just explode on their own.
I backstabbed HWG 3 times once, then he threw three payloads at me.
When HWG kicks ass and chews bubble gum, he never forgets the gum.
HWG doesn't get Jarated, Jarate gets HWG'd.
If you get enough kills to dominate HWG, he dominates you instead.
The difference between HWG and Achilles is that HWG was dipped by his head. When finished, he dropped his hat in. Now his hat is invicible too.
In Soviet Russia, HWG still kills you.
 
- Every time Ron Burgundy says "Great Odin's Raven!", HWG's pet parrot sings "Afternoon Delight".
 
HWG Shall remain little tiny baby men until he becomes a mesa regular.
Its true :D
 
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