Joker's Thread

S

Sectus

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Joined
Jan 22, 2011
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94
Hello everyone!

I just thought I'd start this thread as a loose start to my time here on the community, but I hope it all goes well, post your funnyjokes here!

Here are a few to get us started off, please note that none of these jokes are meant to offend anyone, they are just in good nature! D:

Joke #1
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 
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fEURn.jpg
 
Alright:

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and say "we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings"

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender again tells him "WE don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings".

The bear, very angry now, says "if you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender, once again says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, and eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings that are on drugs."

The bear says "I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "Yes you are, that was a barbitchyouate."
 
Sexy Beast said:
Alright:

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and say "we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings"

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender again tells him "WE don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings".

The bear, very angry now, says "if you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender, once again says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, and eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings that are on drugs."

The bear says "I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "Yes you are, that was a barbitchyouate."
Click to expand...

Haha! That one was pretty good!
 
im not one for puns. im usually able to make jokes about the situation then doing word play

so ill tell a dumb joke

what would america be called if everyone drove light red bmws?

a pink carnation

harhar its so punny
 
This one really cracked me up:

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
 
i only rly kno yo mama ones.(attention:these arent directed at anyone specificly,dont worry im just posting the ones i kno)

yo mama's so fat every time she sees a school bus she says,STOP THAT TWINKE!!!!!!

yo mama's so dumb she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.

:)

(once again these arent directed at anyone)
 
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