- Joined
- Aug 2, 2009
- Messages
- 2,019
Oh yeah...that's right...I am back.
1) November
So I am sure you have all heard of this "No-shave November". Do we really need to make up events to commemorate being lazy? I celebrated "no-shave November" this morning by shaving--I sense that I fail to understand the concept of this...competition? Ok, fine, you want some cleverly-made time to not shave? It's called "any day that doesnt' start with a 'W'", because Wednesday is the one time a week my lazy ass shaves.
2) ASS
I was playing on TF2 the other day and this guy with an attitude problem called somebody an ass because they weren't attacking that giant flying eyeball that shot rockets out of it's cornea (which is awesome, by the way, but we'll get to that later), but instead attacking his team. How dare they! The nerve of some people, to attack the enemy team in a game?! What jerks. So anyways, my lazy ass asked his sorry ass not to swear and I was promptly corrected by an admin...we'll call him "Bill Legend" to mask his true identity...and told that "ass" is perfectly fine and within eGO's guidelines. So, my smart ass has decided to use ass a liberally as I please--ya know, to make up for all of those times I made an ass of myself telling those other asses that we can't say ass.
3) Monoculus
Seriously, the guy is a giant eyeball who can take tons of damage and he shoots rockets out of his eye! Not only that, but he randomly teleports across the map, so in an instant you're like, "I've got you, sucka!" to, "Ahh! My ass!" The Horseless Headless Horseman was cool, but this guy is much better. I think next year they need to combine forces though--the Monoculus could be the head for the HHH and they can run around chopping up everything they can't shoot with rockets!
Why doesn't DoD have anything like this? How am I supposed to start making threads about ronpaul being awesome with THAT guy around in TF2? No wonder he went AWOL--you just can't compete with flying, teleporting, rocket-shooting eyeballs WHO SENDS YOU TO HELL WHEN HE TELEPORTS AND DROPS A BOOK IF YOU MANAGE TO KILL HIM. Dude, did I mention those parts? Yeah, if you're just in his presence when he teleports--you go to hell. Then if you manage to kill the guy...he drops a book. Who does that?! Do you drop a book when you die? Nope. It's a giant book, too. It's like, "Oh nooo...you killed me....now you gotta read this big-ass book! SUCKER!"
4) Radio
So at work--where I currently am located--my boss listens to this jazz radio. I don't dislike jazz, but it gets old after the first hour or two, every.single.day. I'd change it when he leaves, but I swear that man has some sensor in his head, "You change radio last night?" (he's Korean, by the way) The station has to know their stuff gets old too, because they find jazz versions of everything. Ever heard jazz "Gangsta's Paradise"? How about a jazz Flintstone's theme song? Nope? I have...just since I started writing this thread, in fact. It's less awesome than you'd think.
5) Work
Speaking of work...there are a number of ridiculously-boring days like today--especially when I am by myself--but when it's slow and my boss is here, at least he makes it amusing. The guy says the craziest stuff. Here is a little excerpt...a story he shared with me the other day, out of the blue:
"Growing up in Souts Korea we always facing Norse Korea so all boys must serve tree years in the military, no exceptions. Only some degrees get to take test to get to work for government research facilities, but it five years, not tree, because not push, pull, real labor service, so five years. But you get come and go like in school living in dorms, better than military barracks and staying on the base.
"My degree was combustable rocket fuels, so I study real hard to pass test to get easy job. I pass so I was actually rocket scientist! There one main base and several smaller bases in Korea and we make sure rockets always ready to go any time to blow up Kim Jong-Il face if he attack. So we travel to base but not in passenger plane, in transport plane. They treat like we cargo, not people, so stand here on scale...get weight...get on plane...find own place to sit. Have to bring my own cushion on flight!
"So we flying one time and it loud in plane and suddenly one of pilots run out of cockpit, grab parachute and run back to cockpit. He say nothing! So we all like this--eyes big, wondering what going on. We see seven parachute left and eight of us in back, so we start thinking and looking at each other. But, there two pilots and only grab one parachute, so we not do anything yet.
"Few minute later, pilot run out of cockpit again and grab second parachute! This time we like, 'Oh my God' and start to worry. One guy grab pilot on arm and says, 'Tell us what going on! Why you two have parachute and say nothing to us?!' Pilot says, 'Oh, we playing cards but needed table. One parachute not big enough, so need two.'"
1) November
So I am sure you have all heard of this "No-shave November". Do we really need to make up events to commemorate being lazy? I celebrated "no-shave November" this morning by shaving--I sense that I fail to understand the concept of this...competition? Ok, fine, you want some cleverly-made time to not shave? It's called "any day that doesnt' start with a 'W'", because Wednesday is the one time a week my lazy ass shaves.
2) ASS
I was playing on TF2 the other day and this guy with an attitude problem called somebody an ass because they weren't attacking that giant flying eyeball that shot rockets out of it's cornea (which is awesome, by the way, but we'll get to that later), but instead attacking his team. How dare they! The nerve of some people, to attack the enemy team in a game?! What jerks. So anyways, my lazy ass asked his sorry ass not to swear and I was promptly corrected by an admin...we'll call him "Bill Legend" to mask his true identity...and told that "ass" is perfectly fine and within eGO's guidelines. So, my smart ass has decided to use ass a liberally as I please--ya know, to make up for all of those times I made an ass of myself telling those other asses that we can't say ass.
3) Monoculus
Seriously, the guy is a giant eyeball who can take tons of damage and he shoots rockets out of his eye! Not only that, but he randomly teleports across the map, so in an instant you're like, "I've got you, sucka!" to, "Ahh! My ass!" The Horseless Headless Horseman was cool, but this guy is much better. I think next year they need to combine forces though--the Monoculus could be the head for the HHH and they can run around chopping up everything they can't shoot with rockets!
Why doesn't DoD have anything like this? How am I supposed to start making threads about ronpaul being awesome with THAT guy around in TF2? No wonder he went AWOL--you just can't compete with flying, teleporting, rocket-shooting eyeballs WHO SENDS YOU TO HELL WHEN HE TELEPORTS AND DROPS A BOOK IF YOU MANAGE TO KILL HIM. Dude, did I mention those parts? Yeah, if you're just in his presence when he teleports--you go to hell. Then if you manage to kill the guy...he drops a book. Who does that?! Do you drop a book when you die? Nope. It's a giant book, too. It's like, "Oh nooo...you killed me....now you gotta read this big-ass book! SUCKER!"
4) Radio
So at work--where I currently am located--my boss listens to this jazz radio. I don't dislike jazz, but it gets old after the first hour or two, every.single.day. I'd change it when he leaves, but I swear that man has some sensor in his head, "You change radio last night?" (he's Korean, by the way) The station has to know their stuff gets old too, because they find jazz versions of everything. Ever heard jazz "Gangsta's Paradise"? How about a jazz Flintstone's theme song? Nope? I have...just since I started writing this thread, in fact. It's less awesome than you'd think.
5) Work
Speaking of work...there are a number of ridiculously-boring days like today--especially when I am by myself--but when it's slow and my boss is here, at least he makes it amusing. The guy says the craziest stuff. Here is a little excerpt...a story he shared with me the other day, out of the blue:
"Growing up in Souts Korea we always facing Norse Korea so all boys must serve tree years in the military, no exceptions. Only some degrees get to take test to get to work for government research facilities, but it five years, not tree, because not push, pull, real labor service, so five years. But you get come and go like in school living in dorms, better than military barracks and staying on the base.
"My degree was combustable rocket fuels, so I study real hard to pass test to get easy job. I pass so I was actually rocket scientist! There one main base and several smaller bases in Korea and we make sure rockets always ready to go any time to blow up Kim Jong-Il face if he attack. So we travel to base but not in passenger plane, in transport plane. They treat like we cargo, not people, so stand here on scale...get weight...get on plane...find own place to sit. Have to bring my own cushion on flight!
"So we flying one time and it loud in plane and suddenly one of pilots run out of cockpit, grab parachute and run back to cockpit. He say nothing! So we all like this--eyes big, wondering what going on. We see seven parachute left and eight of us in back, so we start thinking and looking at each other. But, there two pilots and only grab one parachute, so we not do anything yet.
"Few minute later, pilot run out of cockpit again and grab second parachute! This time we like, 'Oh my God' and start to worry. One guy grab pilot on arm and says, 'Tell us what going on! Why you two have parachute and say nothing to us?!' Pilot says, 'Oh, we playing cards but needed table. One parachute not big enough, so need two.'"
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