TF2: Key to success
(this thread is a joke, do not take anything I say here seriously)
Hey all! Just wanted to make a thread about how to get better at team fortress 2! TF2 was once a FPS strategy game where you capture objectives by eliminating the other team and working with your own. But since 2009, it has become a pointless collect-a-thon in which you collect as much headgear as possible to give you some sort of fictional bragging rights. But because still 99% percent of tf2 players still play the traditional way, I thought I would make a thread on how to be better. Enjoy!
This is going to be class by class guide: so pause that anime, turn off that music, mute vent, and get ready to do the unthinkable: LEARN!
Scout: The scout is a city boy originating from Boston. This guy must have grown up in the most ghetto part of Boston, because according to tf2 origins, he got beat up every day by a bunch of bullies. So bad in fact, he ran and ran and ran from them every day. This is what gives him his speed and physics breaking double jump. Now before you go and start calling this guy a wuss because he ran from his bullies, he can actually be pretty powerful. IF you have the aim and reflexes of a goddamn hawk. Because this guy spazzes around like a 10 year old kid that just his first call of duty game, it is impossible to hit anything.
Not only being impossible to play as, the scout is also an annoying brat, seeming to have an impulsive disorder of saying the word BONK after violently hitting his foes with a freakin? baseball bat. I think this guy should quit the team and go get some therapy.
Soldier: Now HERE is a CLASS. Originating from the quake games, the solly is by far the best class of tf2. No argument. Other classes have pistols and miniguns? but no, not the soldier. Solly has a ROCKET LAUNCHER as his primary weapon. Why shoot someone when you can blow them up with a rocket?
As for game play as the solly, all you have to do is find a lone straggler of the enemy team (primarily snipers) aim somewhat near them, and spam the hell out of your rocket launcher. You should also take out your shotgun and shoot that so people think you know what you?re doing.
Pyro: Oh boy. The pyro. No one knows what exactly the pyro is. Some speculate it is a pyromaniac in a mask, a women, or even an ALIEN. I say we should stop speculating and just kill every last one. To play the pyro, all you have to do is hold down W and mouse 1 at the same time. Others would argue that you have to light them on fire, ariblast them into a corner, then hit them with the axtingusher, a weapon that does crit damage when the target is on fire. This is known as PUFFING AND STINGING or as I like to call it: noobing and tryharding.
There is also something special a pyro can do. It is called pyroland. All this does is gives you a massive migraine by puking rainbows into your face and giving the flamethrower a reskin that covers about 70% of your screen. But it seems that all the other characters in tf2 like it this way, because they are all laughing and giggling like gtrracer, fullmetal, and spidEY at one of their weekly anime sleepover parties.
Demoman: Here is a picture of your common demoman:
Do you see anything wrong here? I don?t know about you, but I don?t see BOMBS. Ya know, cus it isn?t called the DEMOman or anything, right?
Anyway, if you?re not wasting space on your team b being a demoknight, to play the traditional demo, all you have to do is SPAM,SPAM, AND SPAM SOME MORE. Really. Some call the demo?s primary the grenade launcher, but we all know its real name is the spamatron 2000. To use this weapon, put your crosshair relatively near the enemy, and break your index finger mashing mouse 1.
The demo also has the power to unlock the true meaning of tryhard via a technique called ?spawncamping?.? You have to see this to believe it.
Heavy: the heavy moves slow, shoots inaccurately , and is nearly as fat as sephiroth.
This guy is a Russian fatty that has a giant minigun. But in all seriousness, RUSSIAN is the LAST thing this guy will do. Eh? Eh? But really, the heavy is target practice for snipers and a punching bag for spies. Unless you come with a medic, the man this guy has a romantic bromance with, don?t play as him.
Engineer: The engineer is probably the noobiest class to play as. The engys main job is to turtle the point with his extremely over-powered sentry guns. The only real way to efficiently take out a sentry is ubers, and we all know team have A LOT of those. While you?re not turtling, you can also build dispensers and teleporters to heal your team and transport them faster respectively. Reason 1234322 as to why this class is over-powered. Or as the active members of the steam forums would say: ?OMIHGOD NERF ENGY PWEASE HE IS SO OHPEE?
Medic: You know, this class WOULD be useful, if every medic player actually had a brain in his/her head. On the off chance that you actually DO have a medic on your team, he will spend most of his time trying to be effectively be a hero, when he is actually effectively letting the other team score more points. To play the medic, heal every last teammate you see and click mouse 2 when they tell you too. Basically, nothing.
Sniper: Uh-oh. The sniper. Where do I even begin.
The sniper mainly gets most of his kills by lucky headshots and AFK opponents, and his main job is to be a landing pad for sticky jumping demos. He may also come across a spy of soldier and cover them in; I kid you not, piss. After they are covered with disgusting urine, he can then take out his bushwacka and hit them for a critical hit. This is a tactic I like to call ?fourth degree tryharding.? Now, unless your gamingrobot32, sniping is hard. Harder than A frozen chicken. Harder than trying to grab a bag of fridos at the bottom of the ocean if your head was a camera from the bourne identity movies. Harder than trying to spit into a shot glass on a record table attached to a running cheetahs back while you?re on a tightrope on a unicycle above the grand canyon blindfolded! Sniping is harder than- *sniped*
Spy: The spy is a handsome rouge that kills men in the literal sense and women in the figurative sense. Just like the sniper, the spy is very tough to play. Make one wrong move, and you?re burnt to a crisp by a pyro faster than skyline shaves kazoo?s cat. But, if you can manage to get good at spy, you can put a real hole in the enemy?s defenses. Make sure you always go for the snipers and heavy?s, for they pretty much where a sign on their backs that reads: STAB ME . But make sure you stay away from pyros, because they will burn you and kill you in exactly 3.1454 seconds. Unless you?re a dead ringer noob, then it is 10.13443 seconds.
That is all for today! Thank you for reading! I hope that this amazing guide will help you become a better tf2 player.
PS: Anyone who can guess what you tuber I shamelessly stole two jokes from gets a million gold stars!
(this thread is a joke, do not take anything I say here seriously)
Hey all! Just wanted to make a thread about how to get better at team fortress 2! TF2 was once a FPS strategy game where you capture objectives by eliminating the other team and working with your own. But since 2009, it has become a pointless collect-a-thon in which you collect as much headgear as possible to give you some sort of fictional bragging rights. But because still 99% percent of tf2 players still play the traditional way, I thought I would make a thread on how to be better. Enjoy!
This is going to be class by class guide: so pause that anime, turn off that music, mute vent, and get ready to do the unthinkable: LEARN!
Scout: The scout is a city boy originating from Boston. This guy must have grown up in the most ghetto part of Boston, because according to tf2 origins, he got beat up every day by a bunch of bullies. So bad in fact, he ran and ran and ran from them every day. This is what gives him his speed and physics breaking double jump. Now before you go and start calling this guy a wuss because he ran from his bullies, he can actually be pretty powerful. IF you have the aim and reflexes of a goddamn hawk. Because this guy spazzes around like a 10 year old kid that just his first call of duty game, it is impossible to hit anything.
Not only being impossible to play as, the scout is also an annoying brat, seeming to have an impulsive disorder of saying the word BONK after violently hitting his foes with a freakin? baseball bat. I think this guy should quit the team and go get some therapy.
Soldier: Now HERE is a CLASS. Originating from the quake games, the solly is by far the best class of tf2. No argument. Other classes have pistols and miniguns? but no, not the soldier. Solly has a ROCKET LAUNCHER as his primary weapon. Why shoot someone when you can blow them up with a rocket?
As for game play as the solly, all you have to do is find a lone straggler of the enemy team (primarily snipers) aim somewhat near them, and spam the hell out of your rocket launcher. You should also take out your shotgun and shoot that so people think you know what you?re doing.
Pyro: Oh boy. The pyro. No one knows what exactly the pyro is. Some speculate it is a pyromaniac in a mask, a women, or even an ALIEN. I say we should stop speculating and just kill every last one. To play the pyro, all you have to do is hold down W and mouse 1 at the same time. Others would argue that you have to light them on fire, ariblast them into a corner, then hit them with the axtingusher, a weapon that does crit damage when the target is on fire. This is known as PUFFING AND STINGING or as I like to call it: noobing and tryharding.
There is also something special a pyro can do. It is called pyroland. All this does is gives you a massive migraine by puking rainbows into your face and giving the flamethrower a reskin that covers about 70% of your screen. But it seems that all the other characters in tf2 like it this way, because they are all laughing and giggling like gtrracer, fullmetal, and spidEY at one of their weekly anime sleepover parties.
Demoman: Here is a picture of your common demoman:
Do you see anything wrong here? I don?t know about you, but I don?t see BOMBS. Ya know, cus it isn?t called the DEMOman or anything, right?
Anyway, if you?re not wasting space on your team b being a demoknight, to play the traditional demo, all you have to do is SPAM,SPAM, AND SPAM SOME MORE. Really. Some call the demo?s primary the grenade launcher, but we all know its real name is the spamatron 2000. To use this weapon, put your crosshair relatively near the enemy, and break your index finger mashing mouse 1.
The demo also has the power to unlock the true meaning of tryhard via a technique called ?spawncamping?.? You have to see this to believe it.
Heavy: the heavy moves slow, shoots inaccurately , and is nearly as fat as sephiroth.
This guy is a Russian fatty that has a giant minigun. But in all seriousness, RUSSIAN is the LAST thing this guy will do. Eh? Eh? But really, the heavy is target practice for snipers and a punching bag for spies. Unless you come with a medic, the man this guy has a romantic bromance with, don?t play as him.
Engineer: The engineer is probably the noobiest class to play as. The engys main job is to turtle the point with his extremely over-powered sentry guns. The only real way to efficiently take out a sentry is ubers, and we all know team have A LOT of those. While you?re not turtling, you can also build dispensers and teleporters to heal your team and transport them faster respectively. Reason 1234322 as to why this class is over-powered. Or as the active members of the steam forums would say: ?OMIHGOD NERF ENGY PWEASE HE IS SO OHPEE?
Medic: You know, this class WOULD be useful, if every medic player actually had a brain in his/her head. On the off chance that you actually DO have a medic on your team, he will spend most of his time trying to be effectively be a hero, when he is actually effectively letting the other team score more points. To play the medic, heal every last teammate you see and click mouse 2 when they tell you too. Basically, nothing.
Sniper: Uh-oh. The sniper. Where do I even begin.
The sniper mainly gets most of his kills by lucky headshots and AFK opponents, and his main job is to be a landing pad for sticky jumping demos. He may also come across a spy of soldier and cover them in; I kid you not, piss. After they are covered with disgusting urine, he can then take out his bushwacka and hit them for a critical hit. This is a tactic I like to call ?fourth degree tryharding.? Now, unless your gamingrobot32, sniping is hard. Harder than A frozen chicken. Harder than trying to grab a bag of fridos at the bottom of the ocean if your head was a camera from the bourne identity movies. Harder than trying to spit into a shot glass on a record table attached to a running cheetahs back while you?re on a tightrope on a unicycle above the grand canyon blindfolded! Sniping is harder than- *sniped*
Spy: The spy is a handsome rouge that kills men in the literal sense and women in the figurative sense. Just like the sniper, the spy is very tough to play. Make one wrong move, and you?re burnt to a crisp by a pyro faster than skyline shaves kazoo?s cat. But, if you can manage to get good at spy, you can put a real hole in the enemy?s defenses. Make sure you always go for the snipers and heavy?s, for they pretty much where a sign on their backs that reads: STAB ME . But make sure you stay away from pyros, because they will burn you and kill you in exactly 3.1454 seconds. Unless you?re a dead ringer noob, then it is 10.13443 seconds.
That is all for today! Thank you for reading! I hope that this amazing guide will help you become a better tf2 player.
PS: Anyone who can guess what you tuber I shamelessly stole two jokes from gets a million gold stars!
I feel so bad for those who have not met Nik. Nik was dabes. No, scratch that. Nik is still dabes.
