Adeptus Astartes' Help Thread

I was able to hook some friends up with pro
Dates and here I am alone :|
 
Adeptus Astartes said:
Do you have an issue? A TF2 problem? Can't get a girl for the prom? Ask the great and powerful Adeptus Astartes for help! Any issue, or question!

WARNING: Adeptus Astartes is not responsible for any negative result that may happen due to his advice. Of course, his advice is always right and never wrong! I am always right, even when Im wrong! Symptoms are: Head pains, facepalms, Anime Gifs, Baldness, Hair growth, Pregrency, MAD SKILLZ, Death, attack by wild dogs, HATS, Gaben coming to your house, Daemonic incursions(Please contact the Inquisition if this happens.)
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Hes gonna get all your prom dates pregnant... Run quick!!
 
Great and powerful Astartes... what do I do when the Ordo Malleus is breathing down my neck? ;~;
 
jeremyth3gamer said:
Hey adeptus i need help with this, I think I saw a REAL dinosaur.

Last night I was taking a jog through the woods on the trail. No one was there because it was dark. All of a sudden I heard a loud RAAAWRRR so I looked over and saw (what I think) a real live dinosaur! Not some huge "T-Rex" or anything like that, it was 6-8 feet tall and grayish colored. I also remember it having a spike lining from its head down to its tail. I ran back to my house because I was so freaked out by what I had saw. Anyway, is there anyway dinosaurs still exist! I need to know!!!

Thanks,
~jeremy
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A very scary story. Dinosaurs still exist! They live in retirement homes.
 
Clone394 said:
Adeptus how is it that every time I put a Gibus on my pyro with the backburner, that I can seemingly run past sentries and 6 heavies to give their medic a hug?
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A pyro with a gibus and backburner always is ubered. They are really powerful and some may call them OP. The lore behind this is that the pyro is really Gabe Wewell. As the maker of Steam, he can do whatever he wants.
 
Mystical Adeptus, how do I beat the Mega-Monkey who wields the great hammer of dark matter and save the ninth dimension?
 
Festive Captain Japan said:
So there's this guy who thinks he can pan but he doesn't. He believes that the power of the pan is on his side when he can't even bear the immense power the pan wields. He doesn't even follow all of the policies of the pan. One could even say he is almost a heretic to the pan since he hasn't reskinned every weapon in the game to be the pan. I heard he sometimes uses the "ham" (what a filthy heretic) instead of the pan. The vast amount of rage this causes me is something that I can no longer handle. How do I make him become a full-on follower of the pan or make him stop all together. Let's call him Badeptus Lastsartes for now.
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This, Badeptus Lastartes, must really be a heretic. . . . *BLAM* HERESY! THE EMPEROR'S ANGLES OF DEATH ARE NEVER WRONG. IT IS YOU WHO ARE OFFENDING THE PAN! FESTIVE CAPTAIN JAPAN, A TRUE WARRIOR OF THE PAN NEVER USES THE HAM! ALSO, A TRUE WARRIOR OF THE PAN KNOWS WHEN A FOE IS WORTHY OF BEING KILLED BY THE PAN. SOME FOES ARE TOO WEEK AND SAD TO BE A VICTIM OF THE PAN!
 
Adeptus Astartes, why do you solve date problems when we already have Pzycho for that?

Oh, Mystical Adeptus, answer these riddles:
'What has a mouth, but never talks; what has a bed, but never sleeps?'
'At night, they come without ever being called;
At morning, they are lost without leaving.'
 
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Mr. Monday said:
Great and powerful Astartes... what do I do when the Ordo Malleus is breathing down my neck? ;~;
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Hmmm. A tough one to answer. As a loyal servent to our Emperor, you should have nothing to fear. If you are found guilty, accept it. The Holy Orders of the Emperor's Inquisition are never wrong, and you are just part of the Emperor's plan. If you are really guilty of heresy and working with Daemon. . . .



HERESY! YOU MUST BE CLEANSED WITH HOLY FIRE AND STEEL! DIE TRAITOR!
 
PolishSnipa said:
Adeptus Astartes, why do you solve date problems when we already have Pzycho for that?

Oh, Mystical Adeptus, answer these riddles:
'What has a mouth, but never talks; what has a bed, but never sleeps?'
'At night, they come without ever being called;
At morning, they are lost without leaving.'
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Easy, my friend.

1. A river.
2. The Stars.
 
adeptus astartes said:
this, badeptus lastartes, must really be a heretic. . . . *blam* heresy! The emperor's angles of death are never wrong. It is you who are offending the pan! Festive captain japan, a true warrior of the pan never uses the ham! Also, a true warrior of the pan knows when a foe is worthy of being killed by the pan. Some foes are too week and sad to be a victim of the pan!
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You fool! How dare you question me and insult me! I will rip you apart you foolish heretic! Thou art not even a knight you filthy serf! Bow, bow to me, bow to the almighty king of pan! Tremble, tremble you swine! For thou art a mere impostor! How dare you proclaim thyself as a messenger of the pan! I will make you suffer for ever thinking about your foolish deeds!
 
DeeLuxxed said:
Adeptus! People no longer follow me around corners, I've resorted to going pyro and corner stabbing them with an axe. How do I get them to follow me again! D:
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Offer free hats! You play TF2, and everyone likes hats. If its Kazoo, offer cat pictures. If It is I, say you saw a heretic.
 
Adeptus Astartes said:
Offer free hats! You play TF2, and everyone likes hats. If its Kazoo, offer cat pictures. If It is I, say you saw a heretic.
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:|

I don't fall for silly stab tricks. (Usually.)

So Adeptus, why are you being generous and offering help to those in need?
 
Kazoo said:
I don't fall for silly stab tricks. (Usually.)
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Misha_Laugh_Resized.gif
 
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