Dearest Vile Creature of the Mountains (aka Yeti),
I am a man of science. By that I mean I am a gentleman, scholar, and a collector of unique and rare species (rather, their stuffed corpses, corpsi, corpseses, moosen).
While some simpletons call my work "poaching" or "wanton killing of endangered species with a high-caliber rifle," I call it what it is-- science. Of course my views on science may seem extreme to the uneducated. However, I can assure you I derive no pleasure from clubbing baby seals after their very first swim and then using their supple skin as a shotshell bag. Instead, I am overwhelmed by a sense of responsibility to continue my noble pursuits.
I am ashamed to say that in your case I would have to have one of my Sherpas take your life then kill him and take credit for the kill since I have grown to respect you. I think I would choose Purjah since he dropped a satchel containing my favorite tobacco pipe down a crevasse last autumn.
I have enjoyed many a fond conversation with you about certain mating habits, the drinking of fine spirits, and the conquering of our foes then pepper-spraying them in the face while they lie helpless. These moments brought us together but I have a responsibility to find and kill rare, one-of-a-kind species ensuring the world learns about their immediate extinction.
The offer for a drink stands. However, only one of us would be able to walk away from the bar alive. I see no reason for the Sherpa to live in any case as his life would likely be meaningless in the case of my death and I would have to kill him if he killed you. On that note, I'll buy a second round of whiskey as long as you promise to also kill my Sherpa if you manage to kill me.
Respectfully,
Sir Reginald Stormicus the Third, B.S., Esq., B.Y.O.B., Former Advisor of the Noble Operation X Division, Badass Extraordinaire
P.S. I stand by my previous statement about choosing to kill Bigfoot. If not for brave adventurers who kill rare species; animals like the polar-grizzly hybrid would not have been discovered-- then exterminated.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grizzly–polar_bear_hybrid
