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It was a semi-cold, temperate night that was a little less warm than warm but not quite cool, in the crime-laden streets of a ?statistically? low-crime area. Pshhh, ?statistics?-- all that science mumbo-jumbo won?t cut it on the mean streets of Triple-T.
I get a call on the radio?sure, people call me at work but my ex-wife won?t return my lawyer?s calls to give me partial custody of my dog! Anyways, dispatch says there?s a homicide in some podunk town filled with suspects. My drinking will have to wait; I have a job to drive to!
Looks like I?ll have to trust my gut instinct again; just like in the Jungles of Nam. Sure the enemies have changed, but I?ll keep the same promise I made back in the rice patties of the delta: I?ll kill every single traitorous scumbag or potential scumbag, even if it costs the lives of everyone around me!
Fact: Some of us wore jeans in Nam.
I size up the scene; some cubist-infested neighborhood with 30 armed suspects-- big deal. I know what you?re thinking: ?But Detective Sergeant Stormy, if they have guns ain?t they bad?? Yes and No, Billy. Since this is America all of those fine citizens/suspects with weapons are covered under the Second Amendment, and I can?t shoot them in the face?yet.
Look at this squalor!
This still looks pretty bad, despite all of the helpful patriotically-armed citizens. Lucky for me, I spot my old buddy from Nam and supervisor in the department; Detective Lieutenant Yeti. Looks like I caught him off duty as I?m the only one around with a badge, but any help will go a long way.
The Lt. tells me we?re in the area of ttt_lttp_kakariko?what the hell is the planning commission doing naming a town that? A short time later, I get a call from dispatch telling me that there are likely two to three traitors. Even worse, these traitors are terrorists too! Doing some quick math, I can figure about 10% of the suspects are in-fact terrorists while the remaining 95% can turn into terrorists at any moment (given the position of the moon and evidence I previously acquired should further investigation be required).
?Evidence?
Overall, the mission of finding and killing the terrorist-traitors has about a 50/50 chance of succeeding, and even that is only a 20% chance! However, this grizzled Detective Sergeant won?t be thrown off by the acts of a few miscreants?this town is a cakewalk compared to the time the Lt. sent me undercover into the most sickening and depraved place I?d ever been?Jail. Hell, I?ll choose this cesspool of a town infested with murdering, terrorist-traitors over the eye-gouging routine of those sick, reprehensible, disgusting miscreants in Jail.
At least we were supplied knives, Sailor Moon costumes, and we were allowed to decorate our cell. That?s my cellie, Ember (aka E-dawg).
We get straight to work, the Lt. already spotted a suspicious looking guy. Lt. Yeti wasn?t clear what made him wary of the guy, but he said he hadn?t had the chills like that since the war. We followed him behind some gingerbread-ish house, an alley filled with basic clay pots, and smack-dab into a house stuffed with guns and more clay pots. This terrorist piece of garbage is going down!
Photo of Rapter29 (aka Criminal Scumbag, Guilty, Suspicious Looking guy, Guilty Guy, Terrorist, Traitor, Terrorist-traitor, Traitor-terrorist, Rapter)
I locked eyes with the subject, his pierce was cold and I felt the hairs on the back of my back stand on edge. This guy? this guy? I hadn?t felt like this since the last few days of the war when we ?swept and cleared? a few villages before R&R?good times.
It was more of a dry heat.
I could sense right away that this guy probably had or would eventually do something bad. Not every cop is born with this skill, but I was fortunate enough to have this gift from an early age. This scumbag was guilty, I don?t need a judge to tell me that much. I?m positive Det. Lt. Yeti felt the same way. Irregardless?or rather, regardless (as anyone who says ?irregardless? in a manner not insulting of said word is surely a subhuman degenerate) we have to follow procedure and interrogate the suspect.
Official eGO PD Transcript
Stay tuned for Part II: Dr. Paramedic Compton and the Mystery of the Vigilante Mob in the ongoing adventures of The True Made-up Tales of Detective Sergeant Stormy!
PART II
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