eGO membership has it's privileges

[PurpleNurple]

I first started playing TF2 just looking to have a great time. After playing for a while on different servers, I found some I really enjoyed in eGO. I decided to join, thinking it would be nice to have some really great people to play with. Little did I know when I signed up, all the benefits that came with it. Did you know that besides free breakfast burritos and the validated parking, we, as eGO members, also have access to free medical services? Neither did I!

Today I was actually coaxed out of my comfy little air conditioned office with the promise of free food only to find there was some physical labor involved. Begrudgingly, I participated in the carrying of heavy things to far away places without aid of modern devices, such as wheels. Upon returning to my office, I noticed my arms breaking out with hives. I was quite worried. I did not know what to do. I happened to mention my hives in the chatbox and received an immediate diagnosis from one, Dr. Monkeybits. This is a free service to fellow eGO members. He does not like to advertise his vast medical knowledge, but I was so pleased with his quick and professional services, I wanted everyone to know.

Here is an example of his expertise:

I have not presented it to my boss yet, but I’ll share any correspondence to keep you aware of my progress.

Thanks for reading. This is such a great service and I’m thinking we should use it in recruiting new members. Just a thought.

 

[OODA Loop]

haha nice, you should give it to your boss

 

[Purple.Huskies]

LOL, good stuff.

I wonder if Dr. Monkeybits will give me a note to get out the late night conference calls I have been participating...

 

[Glitch]

Just make sure your boss knows who Purple Nurple is.

 

[The Big Herm]

Also, as a medic by profession myself, Id like to add that these hives brought on by physical labor ARE contagious. If your boss knows what is good for you and your co-workers, He/She would excuse you from work for at least 48 hours.

 

[Bubbles(inactive)]

That is wonderful.

 

[Monkeybits]

I am laughing my brains out. Purple made a couple of perfect additions to the text, and the letterhead is all her. Brilliant, I say! Purple, I'll work on a note for you.

 

[Monkeybits]

Hopefully this will end up legible.

 

[Purple.Huskies]

LOL, thanks Monkeybits. I needed a good laugh today. I had a rough day at work, but you and PurpleNurple made my day. Thank you!

 

[Monkeybits]

You're welcome. Purple's talent with letterhead is amazing. I'm hiring her if I ever have to make real stuff. =)

 

[Nemo]

Dr. Monkeybits is real. No malpractice suits from me

 

[Monkeybits]

Thanks, Nemo. I think you'll agree that to date, my medical opinion is in no way harmful to my patients.

 

[Jubei]

Dear Sir or Madam,

It has come to my attention that my patient, Jubei, is suffering from acute TF2 addiction. During the initial examination it was determined that normal Methadone treatment will only result in a negative patient outcome. Withdrawal will most certainly result in fatal boredom. Jubei should, per my advice and under my care, continue with his TF2 use. It is imperative that Jubei takes his TF2 in a safe environment, free from distraction, high pings, loud kids and a wife who wants to "go shopping, but not to buy - just to look."

My recommendation is that Jubei continues his TF2 use in the hopes that when TF3 is released he can, with the help from Valve, wean himself from TF2.

Please feel free to call my office if you have any concerns.

 

[Nemo]

I agree fo shizzle!

 

[Monkeybits]

Actually, for TF2 addiction treatment, we could try long late night teleconferences. Maybe even manual labor.

 

[Snakely]

hilarious! i need a note from dr. monkeybits advising my girlfriend that a minimum of one hour per day of tf2 on eGO servers is NECESSARY to my mental health!

 

[Monkeybits]

Here you go, Snakely.

 

[PurpleNurple]

I’m happy to see that your practice is really going well there, Monkey. It looks like you’ve had a couple of new patients.

As promised, I have an update regarding my issue with the physical labor related hives. I gave your note to my boss today and, of course he sent a copy to HR. It has apparently caused quite a stir at corporate. They want me examined by one of their own doctors. The problem being, the only way to produce the hives is to do the hard labor related tasks, which you strictly forbid me from doing. I now believe they are quite worried about a lawsuit and are not sure how to handle the situation. Do you have any experience in legal proceedings? I might soon need a lawyer. I could make you a lawyer header since you seemed pleased with my last one.

In the mean time, they did order me one of those really cool massaging chairs and it reclines for when I’m feeling a bit sleepy. I also have a small freezer in my office now to hold all of the ice cream. A bit of a bonus, they’ve also gotten me valet parking. I guess they are worried about the walking long distances as well. Life is good.

Thanks again, Dr. Monkeybits.

 

[Monkeybits]

Oh, I definitely have a legal practice. It's Nemo & Monkeybits, Attorneys at Law. We are not specialized, and can handle any sort of case. If your bosses persist with their demands for you to engage in physical labor despite the clear note, make us letterhead and we'll send them a cease and desist letter.

 

[Zortax]

This is simply priceless... Forget the expensive healthcare... I know where I'm going next time I need a doctor's opinion...