How to Write a Paper in College.

[-V-]

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out bored.com.

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

 

[5starGeneralAlphaSnake]

Thats how i do it in middle school

 

[v8skittles]

Lol that is so true, can you come up with one about during an extremely ignorant lecture from your Parents and Teachers?

 

[eje007]

Psh. The cooler way, is to put thought into it, but have fun. Make it a really funny satirical paper. Filled with how much you actually despise the subject. You'd be surprised what teachers accept and give credit for.

 

[Coriolanus]

Psh. The cooler way, is to put thought into it, but have fun. Make it a really funny satirical paper. Filled with how much you actually despise the subject. You'd be surprised what teachers accept and give credit for.

That's what I did freshman year of high school and did surprisingly well... Then I transfered to a new school... And I hate to say it, but I actually respect my teachers enough (most of them) to write well thought out papers.

Snarkiness is now blog domain.

 

[Some Random Guy]

Psh. The cooler way, is to put thought into it, but have fun. Make it a really funny satirical paper. Filled with how much you actually despise the subject. You'd be surprised what teachers accept and give credit for.

another fun way to do it and it works is too completely go off topic but somehow relate it back and if you can defend it, it'll be a nice read in front of class

and to all those annoying relate to yourself papers, either make up LOTS of stuff, or imagine your a famous person

 

[PeterGriffin]

i just started college/univercity no assigments so far
but this may be handy

 

[Atten]

That's me all over. Hey... isn't that paper due tomorrow.... oh well, I'm sure more TF2 is a good way to.... get new ideas.... yeah.

 

[TwistedZ]

!up V!!!!

 

[GetSomeZzz]

Nice -V-
Did you copy and paste this or did you write it up yourself?

 

[Bas.B]

*True, I confess *
Very elegant there GetSomeZzz...

 

[NeoJed -TR-]

That is the best way to do it because this is how its going to get graded =)

A Guide to Grading Exams
posted by Daniel J. Solove

It's that time of year again. Students have taken their finals, and now it is time to grade them. It is something professors have been looking forward to all semester. Exactness in grading is a well-honed skill, taking considerable expertise and years of practice to master. The purpose of this post is to serve as a guide to young professors about how to perfect their grading skills and as a way for students to learn the mysterious science of how their grades are determined.

Grading begins with the stack of exams, shown in Figure 1 below.

The next step is to use the most precise grading method possible. There never is 100% accuracy in grading essay exams, as subjective elements can never be eradicated from the process. Numerous methods have been proposed throughout history, but there is one method that has clearly been proven superior to the others. See Figure 2 below.

The key to this method is a good toss. Without a good toss, it is difficult to get a good spread for the grading curve. It is also important to get the toss correct on the first try. Exams can get crumpled if tossed too much. They begin to look as though the professor actually read them, and this is definitely to be avoided. Additional tosses are also inefficient and expend needless time and energy. Note the toss in Figure 3 below. This is an example of a toss of considerable skill -- obviously the result of years of practice.

Note in Figure 3 above that the exams are evenly spread out, enabling application of the curve. Here, however, is where the experts diverge. Some contend that the curve ought to be applied as in Figure 4 below, with the exams at the bottom of the staircase to receive a lower grade than the ones higher up on the staircase.

According to this theory, quality is understood as a function of being toward the top, and thus the best exams clearly are to be found in this position. Others, however, propose an alternative theory (Figure 5 below).

They contend that that the exams at the bottom deserve higher grades than the ones at the top. While many professors still practice the top-higher-grade approach, the leading authorities subscribe to the bottom-higher-grade theory, despite its counterintuitive appearance. The rationale for this view is that the exams that fall lower on the staircase have more heft and have traveled farther. The greater distance traveled indicates greater knowledge of the subject matter. The bottom higher-grade approach is clearly the most logical and best-justified approach.

Even with the grade curve lines established, grading is far from completed. Several exams teeter between levels. The key is to measure the extent of what is referred to as "exam protrusion." Exams that have small portions extending below the grade line should receive a minus; exams with protrusions above the grade lines receive a plus.

But what about exams that are right in the middle of a line. In Figure 6 below, this exam teeters between the A and B line. Should it receive and A- or a B+?

This is a difficult question, but I believe it is clearly an A-. The exam is already bending toward the next stair, and in the bottom-higher-grade approach, it is leaning toward the A-. Therefore, this student deserves the A- since momentum is clearly in that direction.

Finally, there are some finer points about grading that only true masters have understood. Consider the exam in Figure 7 below. Although it appears on the C stair and seems to be protruding onto the B stair, at first glance, one would think it should receive a grade of C+. But not so. A careful examination reveals that the exam is crumpled. Clearly this is an indication of a sloppy exam performance, and the grade must reflect this fact. The appropriate grade is C-.

One final example, consider in Figure 8 below the circled exam that is is very far away from the others at the bottom of the staircase. Is this an A+?

Novices would think so, as the exam has separated itself a considerable distance from the rest of the pack. However, the correct grade for this exam is a B. The exam has traveled too far away from the pack, and will lead to extra effort on the part of the grader to retrieve the exam. Therefore, the exam must be penalized for this obvious flaw.

As you can see, grading takes considerable time and effort. But students can be assured that modern grading techniques will produce the most precise and accurate grading possible, assuming professors have achieved mastery of the necessary grading skills.

Found this a while back thought it was funny =P

 

[5starGeneralAlphaSnake]

Um i think that what my teacher uses, I write the best 2500 word essay and i get a C-

 

[Major Payne]

My god alpha! What evil teachers are assigning middle school kids 2500 word essays?!?!?!

Maybe I just got lucky, but as a senior in high school taking a college english course, the most I've had to write this year is 750 to 1000.

 

[!Woodstock!]

I missed the part where you sign into steam, talk in vent, and play TF2.

 

[ThunderPwny]

Hey...I didn't learn anything new from this post

Psh. The cooler way, is to put thought into it, but have fun. Make it a really funny satirical paper. Filled with how much you actually despise the subject. You'd be surprised what teachers accept and give credit for.

This is the reason I only failed 1 semester of English throughout high school. I remember in 11th grade my teacher assigned a 500 word essay on College Football. So I wrote that "College football is a way for homosexuals to express themselves without being singled out." No joke, got an A on the paper. (obviously I don't believe that for those who might be offended)

 

[Cryptex]

I see this schedule plan is most useful. Thankyou good sir!

 

[Norman Rockwell]

sounds like high school to me
ha

 

[Norman Rockwell]

Hey...I didn't learn anything new from this post



This is the reason I only failed 1 semester of English throughout high school. I remember in 11th grade my teacher assigned a 500 word essay on College Football. So I wrote that "College football is a way for homosexuals to express themselves without being singled out." No joke, got an A on the paper. (obviously I don't believe that for those who might be offended)

HAHA

 

[50centricher]

Actually i stared at my paper for a while before i decided to do anything lol