- Joined
- Oct 2, 2008
- Messages
- 502
Sniper?s Guide to Being Useless.
Hey, you. Sniper. Yes, you. The one that is topping the scoreboard. Stop being good. You are an embarrassment to snipers everywhere. You are a credit to team. Quit it. There is a reason you live in a camper van. Follow my instructions and you will be useless again in no time, just like you should be!
The more, the merrier.
What's more powerful than three snipers? Eighteen snipers! Using basic math, I have constructed the following formula:
As you can see, more snipers = greater increase in bullets = more death.
Distance is key.
Remember that scene in the Usual Suspects where Stephen Baldwin had that sniper rifle and he took down four guys without them knowing he was there? How did he accomplish that, you may ask. The answer to that is simple. HE WAS FAR AWAY. If he was standing two feet from them aiming for their heads, they would have seen him and shot him into itty bitty award winning shreds. How did he not get seen? By being as far away from them as the plan permitted. So snipers. Here is what you do. Follow this image guide/map, and you too will be in the optimal position.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
If you see a swarm of enemies or ubers come running towards you, do not stay and pick off the ones you can. That is what sentries and heavies are for. Run away as fast as your Australian legs can carry you. But remember, don?t warn your team. As you learned in the outback, survival of the fittest is the best natural rule of them all. They?ll either see them coming and survive, or they won?t see them and die out as a misinformed, slightly dense species. Until they respawn.
http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/5740/chargeme.png
4. Spies are a lie. Like cake.
If you hear a comrade scream in pain and see a spy kill icon, ignore it. It?s all a clever government psychological test, designed to pray on the weaker minds. Keep exactly where you are. Don?t move or the satellites will read your brainwaves. Best to stay completely still and not move a muscle.
And even if that was a spy, return to the exact same spot as quickly as possible. Spies never stay in the same place. Spies are the homeless rambling hobos of the gaming world.
Just follow these instructions, and you, too, can be credit to team!
Hey, you. Sniper. Yes, you. The one that is topping the scoreboard. Stop being good. You are an embarrassment to snipers everywhere. You are a credit to team. Quit it. There is a reason you live in a camper van. Follow my instructions and you will be useless again in no time, just like you should be!
The more, the merrier.
What's more powerful than three snipers? Eighteen snipers! Using basic math, I have constructed the following formula:
As you can see, more snipers = greater increase in bullets = more death.
Distance is key.
Remember that scene in the Usual Suspects where Stephen Baldwin had that sniper rifle and he took down four guys without them knowing he was there? How did he accomplish that, you may ask. The answer to that is simple. HE WAS FAR AWAY. If he was standing two feet from them aiming for their heads, they would have seen him and shot him into itty bitty award winning shreds. How did he not get seen? By being as far away from them as the plan permitted. So snipers. Here is what you do. Follow this image guide/map, and you too will be in the optimal position.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
If you see a swarm of enemies or ubers come running towards you, do not stay and pick off the ones you can. That is what sentries and heavies are for. Run away as fast as your Australian legs can carry you. But remember, don?t warn your team. As you learned in the outback, survival of the fittest is the best natural rule of them all. They?ll either see them coming and survive, or they won?t see them and die out as a misinformed, slightly dense species. Until they respawn.
http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/5740/chargeme.png
4. Spies are a lie. Like cake.
If you hear a comrade scream in pain and see a spy kill icon, ignore it. It?s all a clever government psychological test, designed to pray on the weaker minds. Keep exactly where you are. Don?t move or the satellites will read your brainwaves. Best to stay completely still and not move a muscle.
And even if that was a spy, return to the exact same spot as quickly as possible. Spies never stay in the same place. Spies are the homeless rambling hobos of the gaming world.
Just follow these instructions, and you, too, can be credit to team!
