Chuck Norris

[Omnislash]

Every time Chuck Norris does a push-up, He's not pushing himself off the ground, he's actually pushing the Earth away from a dangerous meteor thats about to crash into Earth.

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Jesus Christ may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

 

[Kamon]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his own two hands.

 

[paquitox]

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

 

[ManBearPig]

Chuck Norris....wait a sec is this like 2006 or some thing?

Chuck Norris never dies?


Heres a couple of my favorites:

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

 

[General Sanders]

Inappropriate text deleted.

Please keep comments appropriate.

 

[HopeFails]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink

Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

 

[Awptimus]

The one thing going through Chuck Norris' Opponent's mind, his foot.

 

[RurouniKenshin]

Why is there no life on Mars? Cuz chuck norris was there first.

 

[RurouniKenshin]

Chuck norris doesn't get frostbite, be bites the frost!

 

[Carmine]

Every time someone tells a Chuck Norris joke everyone all over the entire world looses over 9000 brain cells.

 

[Stickyfinger]

Chuck Norris once bought a pair of sneakers, but then threw them out. Chuck Norris, doesn't have to sneak anywhere.

 

[Skill/CJaZ]

Its over 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jeeves]

Chuck Norris....would get owned by Bruce Lee ahaha! Sorry ,but I just prefer Bruce Lee :/

Bruce Lee owning Chuck Norris: [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE[/ame]