Title: Gods of Egypt
Year: 2016
Country of Origin: US/Australia
Director: Alex Proyas
Plot: On the day that Horas, god of the air, is set to take the throne of Egypt his uncle Gerard Butler shows up...kills his father, takes his eyesight and crowns himself king of Egypt instead. Defeated and blind Horas goes into exile where he remains until a young thief turns up with one of his eyes and a proposition that he cannot possibly refuse.
Review: It's been almost 12 hours since I left the theater and I still haven't been able to wrap my mind around this film. I went to see it with a friend hoping that the film would turn out to be the good kind of bad, dumb and unintentionally funny. Instead we came across a mind-boggling misfire, one that went wrong in all that ways that you would hope a film with this size of a budget (140 million) would be able to iron out in post.
On a very basic level, the film is close to the 2010
Clash of the Titans remake. It's a modern reimaging of the classic sword and sandal fantasy films that Hollywood cranked out some 50 to 60 years ago.
Clash of the Titans was middling at best, the plot was paint by numbers and the action was relatively unmemorable. I cannot help but feel that
Gods of Egypt had bigger ambitions than
Clash of the Titans. Outside of it's paint-by-numbers plot, Proyas manages to leverage some pretty nifty visual ideas out of this bastardization of Egyptian mythology. We get large gold blooded gods, a flat earth that looks particularly cool, and even ever shifting pyramid that is also on fire. So it is unfortunate that Proyas and company manage to botch just about everything. So let's break down piece by piece what is wrong with this film:
CGI: I can't really think of another film made in the last decade that has CG as bad as this one; or at least a film with this large of a budget. Everything looks fake and if that wasn't bad enough a lot of the assets used in this film look unfinished. Like 40% of the CG assets of the film look terrible and on par with what one would expect from a film from 1997. To me, this is confusing. We are talking about a film that cost $140,000,000 to make. To put this into perspective,
Deadpool cost less than half of this film ($58 million) and looks significantly better. Like, I do not know what happened here. It's not like they had to pay a serious chunk of change to the actors...Gerard Butler is the biggest name in the film and he cannot be that expensive. Heck
Clash of the Titans had a smaller budget and looked better. Actually, look at the trailer...these are the final assets:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0VDveYwbuU[/ame]
I honestly just want to know where that $140 million went. Did Lionsgate get scammed or something?
Plot/Characters: The plot is standard, evil guy takes over a kingdom and a rag-tag group is working to stop him. It's something we've all seen before and in better hands it could have turned into something watchable. I honestly cannot believe that I am going to say this...but Brett Ratner's
Hercules is the perfect example of what this film should have been. The plot is as uninspired as
Gods of Egypt, but it has enough character and charisma to make up for it and in the end.
Hercules is a fun way to kill an hour and a half. Instead, we have a muddled plot where the the mission objectives are not clear and it's not clear where our characters are headed. Part of this is because the film's fantastical world is not well realized. We are never given a sense of place, it's just one scene to the next with a new location...but with no linear idea of where we're going. The characters themselves are not well realized either. Here is an example:
Our quasi-protagonist/narrator is a thief, and the film establishes this within the first two minutes by having him steal a dress of his lady friend. The shopkeeper notices him and yells thief, then film immediately cuts to him back at his lady friend's place. Now what I was expecting and what a normal film would do is after the shopkeeper yells thief, the film would transition into a chase sequence in which our main character uses his crazy thief parkour skills to avoid authorities. This would help establish that he is capable of this sort of thing and also would make a fun and exciting opening for the film. Instead...we get nothing. Sure later in the film we see him perform crazy acrobatic feats, but it wasn't established before hand. Overall, this is not a big deal, it just comes off as lazy and an odd choice.
Pacing/length: Somehow this film is two hours long and you will feel it's length. It's pacing can best be described as plodding and despite its quest style plot it lacks the sense of urgency that we need to stay interested...or at the very least awake.
Overall: When I first left the theater I seem to remember thinking that it was easily the worst film that I had actually paid money to see. Now, it's just seems like a dull muddled misfire and one that is oddly sure of itself. It's not a fun movie in either the traditional sense or in the campy 'it's so bad it's good' sense. It's simply forgettable in every sense of the word.
[3/10]