Making some terrible jokes!

[Mcg]

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

 

[Mcg]

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

 

[Mcg]

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

[Mcg]

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. (This one is for yesterday)

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. (This one for today, and for the lack of posts, I didn’t have internet here for this week)

 

[Mcg]

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

 

[Mcg]

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

 

[Mcg]

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

[Mcg]

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

 

[Mcg]

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. (This one for yesterday)

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. (This one for Today)

 

[Mcg]

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Gonna try and post jokes everyday again

 

[Mcg]

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

 

[Mcg]

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

 

[Mcg]

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

 

[Mcg]

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

 

[Mcg]

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

 

[Mcg]

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

 

[Mcg]

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

 

[Mcg]

YOU CAN’T TRUST ATOMS. They make up everything!

Also the page that I get the jokes from is gone now, so time to search up some new ones

 

[Mcg]

WHAT KIND OF CHEESE DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU?
Nacho cheese!

 

[Idol]

A weasel walks into a bar and calls out to the barkeep, "Ahoy mate"
The bartender looks up and exclaims, "What? A talking weasel? I've never seen a talking weasel before. Come to think of it, I've never seen a weasel in my bar before. Wow! In all my years tending bar, I've never had a weasel stop by. This is a magical day. What can I get you bub? Drinks are on me."

"Pop," goes the weasel.