Joke of the day.......

[drblac0]

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

 

[Green Lantern]

XD

 

[drblac0]

A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden
said, "Now these are real tough guys in here. Do you think
you can handle it?"

"No problem," the applicant replied, "If they don't behave,
out they go!"

 

[AnotherAsian]

A man far away from home for work calls his house. His daughter picks up, excitedly saying "Hi daddy!"
The father happily responded and said, "Sweetie, can you hand the phone over to your mother?"
The daughter replied "I cant. Mommy is upstairs, naked in bed with Uncle Tom." The man immediately grew furious and quickly thought up an act of revenge. "Honey," he told his daughter. "I want you to go upstairs, into our bedroom and shout 'Daddy just came home!' Okay?" So he hung up.
A few minutes later, he calls up again. Answering the phone was his daughter, sobbing. "Sweetie what happened?"
His daughter said "I did what you told me and mommy and Uncle Tom died." Shock, the man asked "What happened?"
The daughter replied "Mommy jumped out of bed and tripped and broke her neck. Uncle Tom slipped and fell out the window into the pool"
The man was silent until he said ".......Pool? We dont have a pool. Wait, is this 3567418?"

 

[drblac0]

Two men who were waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How did you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. Eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, .... how did you die?" "I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic and, just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man. "If you had only stopped to look in the deep freezer, we'd both still be alive!"

 

[Angeal]

You know when you play to much runescape when this happens!

You log on and the servers crash.
You suffer a nasty 15 second lag and come to be surrounded by Mithril dragons!!

so A police officer arrests you for assulting three innocent men and you say: I was just training come on officer!!

 

[drblac0]

 

[Spitfire'd]

A burrito walks into a bar after a long day's work.

The bartender looks at it and says, "You're going to have to leave. We don't serve food here."

 

[drblac0]

^


HAHAHAaaaa

 

[sKittlez.AiM.]

^^ lulz
=_=

 

[SoldierX77]

Rofl, these are funny. I especially like the ketchup one.

 

[sKittlez.AiM.]

hahahaha

 

[Euphoric]

How do you wake up lady gaga? (Cryptex loves this joke)

POKER FACE (Poke her face) aaahhhahahahaha Get it? Noo??? ...-.-'

 

[drblac0]

How do you wake up lady gaga? (Cryptex loves this joke)

POKER FACE (Poke her face) aaahhhahahahaha Get it? Noo??? ...-.-'

:glare:

 

[drblac0]

You've heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

 

[drblac0]

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

 

[Blasphemy]

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

lol at confusing me and having to read it 5 times lol.

and love the ketchup 1 for sure

 

[drblac0]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

 

[dopey288]

love the thanksgiving one. that one i can imagine my own grandparents saying.
i gota try that some time in my life

 

[GrinningHillbilly]

durr hurr hurr hurr hurr hurr....

huh huh huh huh huh huh huh......

heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.....

:glare: