Joke of the day.......
- Thread starter drblac0
- Start date
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- Oct 29, 2009
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Yeah, wow. I know your intent was not meant to offend, and as this is a 'joking' thread section I'm sure many understand that u was just trying to be funny. However plz keep in mind that there are female members in eGO and I'm sure thet enjoy the forums just like everyone else. So plz, have tact when it comes to posting jokes. It's to easy to offend someone, keep it clean...keep it fun.
No Joke.
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2009
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- 84
'Twas the Night of Thanksgiving'
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned --- The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!
I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky....
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...
HAPPY EATING TO ALL !!
PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!
:tongue:
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned --- The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!
I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky....
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...
HAPPY EATING TO ALL !!
PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!
:tongue:
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2009
- Messages
- 84
Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!
Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,
"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
Her trial starts next month.
Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,
"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
Her trial starts next month.
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2009
- Messages
- 84
A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car. Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip on past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter. A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little mifted that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up. He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his brakes. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche. After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and askes how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter... The dying man replied, "I can't really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror...."
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2009
- Messages
- 84
In the middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt. It’s impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however.
They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they’ll be there in 20 minutes.
It’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.
“Aren’t you going to have a drink?” the doctor says.
“AFTER the police get here” replies the lawyer.
They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they’ll be there in 20 minutes.
It’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.
“Aren’t you going to have a drink?” the doctor says.
“AFTER the police get here” replies the lawyer.
