LOL, love it Tuna! Not too many people can get into an in depth discussion about vSphere here. A lot of companies don't bother licensing some of the more advanced features like vMotion, fault tolerance, or the clustering (many need to actually shut off the VM before moving it) all that only comes with the enterprise versions. If its a small hosting firm, they probably have a handful of servers they manage manually and just use the basic monitoring tools and alarms for CPU overutilization.
Bottom line being you probably have to call the hosting company to have that VM (hosting pop-maps) moved to a less crowded host to control the lag issues.